Hi everyone,
Please be advised.. Huge trigger warning - suicide and anorexia.
Two weeks ago I attempted suicide which put me in a bad physical state for at least a week. Not to mention the emotional wreck it caused me to fail. I am very sad, and have no purpose in life. I've shut down every help they offered - will continue to shut down although my mom finally decides to take me back into therapy after going cold turkey from meds and therapy two years ago. I've been hospitalized for other attempts (seven hospitalizations in total since I was 14, and 17 now).
I have been refusing to go anywhere and following an egg mono diet for the past 3 days - because I gained weight after the ER. I went from 105 pounds to 98 (I am 5'4).. Now I am switching over to Tuna mono for 3 days - which should keep me in ketosis as well.
Finally yesterday, I decided to leave the house. So I went to the mall. I went into this store and the owner of the chain stores was there because they were just reopening the store. He told me that I should model for the store and their website online..
I said yes, because I thought it was an opportunity for me. But I am not sure about it. At the same time I always wanted to go to school and become a therapist (which would make me unbelievably proud of myself).
However, I don't want to have to graduate from high school, be deeply unhappy and then say "I graduated" and call it a life.
I am starting the modeling process today. If it gets serious then I am going to LA for a photo shoot. (I live about 45 mins north of LA, so I am a local.)
Any advice, suggestions?
Anything would help at this point, thanks.
Please be advised.. Huge trigger warning - suicide and anorexia.
Two weeks ago I attempted suicide which put me in a bad physical state for at least a week. Not to mention the emotional wreck it caused me to fail. I am very sad, and have no purpose in life. I've shut down every help they offered - will continue to shut down although my mom finally decides to take me back into therapy after going cold turkey from meds and therapy two years ago. I've been hospitalized for other attempts (seven hospitalizations in total since I was 14, and 17 now).
I have been refusing to go anywhere and following an egg mono diet for the past 3 days - because I gained weight after the ER. I went from 105 pounds to 98 (I am 5'4).. Now I am switching over to Tuna mono for 3 days - which should keep me in ketosis as well.
Finally yesterday, I decided to leave the house. So I went to the mall. I went into this store and the owner of the chain stores was there because they were just reopening the store. He told me that I should model for the store and their website online..
I said yes, because I thought it was an opportunity for me. But I am not sure about it. At the same time I always wanted to go to school and become a therapist (which would make me unbelievably proud of myself).
However, I don't want to have to graduate from high school, be deeply unhappy and then say "I graduated" and call it a life.
I am starting the modeling process today. If it gets serious then I am going to LA for a photo shoot. (I live about 45 mins north of LA, so I am a local.)
Any advice, suggestions?
Anything would help at this point, thanks.