Sounds like your having a really awful time, first of all I am so sorry to read this.
When I was really struggling with the b/p cycle the only thing that helped me was to restrict carbs as they were the main trigger for me. When I did eat I ate protien. I cooked in olive oil which I was terrified about at the start but it got easier. You cam always use a 1 cal spray to start. Plain chicken for instance isn't really desirable to binge on. As the days went on I added vegetables. The protein and fats will keep you satiated without feeling starving.
If you can't manage food at all what about a protien shake? I know it's a fear for most people but it might just help you get something down if you sip it throughout the day.
Not sure if it will work for you hun but it's an idea. I hope things get better for you x x x

 

Thank you for the advice. Carbs do tend to be my trigger as they carry the most volume and calories for me. Since I have college dining, I'm unable to control my foods, so I tend to just eat salads with controlled amounts of chicken breast (but even that can be a trigger for me). I'm going to try the protein shake, but I find those also easy to 'binge' on if that makes sense. Since they make me feel full, I find other things to binge on and then just purge altogether, just to feel safe. Sigh.... I just want things to get better, but I will try! Thank you for replying <3

 

Try to make the shake last a few hours if you can. Have a bottle of water as well and have 3 sips of water to every sip of shake. Its not really a solution but it might help you for a few days hun. Pm me if you need to talk x x x

 

I'm sorry for what you're dealing with but I can't offer any advice since I'm exactly in the same situation as you. Actually I don't even know why but I was so shocked in reading your words because it seems just like something I could've wrote myself. Just like you, I myself have been b/p since May 2022, daily at least twice on a good day and up to 8x on a bad day. I used to be purely restrictive before that just because I couldn't find how to purge, only by exercise at most. I'm also 158cm and I would like to mantain around 42kg too but I went a bit lower (41.2kg) since I got hooked once again and I feel like I have to reach my previous LW pre-residential/inpatient (38.9kg) treatment. I'm also a junior in college. I feel sorry but also quite content to know that someone else can perfectly understand being in this situation where binge urges get so strong, it's hard to keep anything down since everything is a trigger but at the same nothing is ever enough... sorry that's a bit of a rant. hope things get better soon, stay safe <3

 

wow....we're literally twins. I can also feel a sorta relief that someone is going through this like me, and that i'm not alone. thank you for sharing and I hope things get better for you too. please rant whenever, it's better to get through this together than alone.