I don't like anorexia or having an ED it's more of the fact that I'm so caught up on the thought of being skinny and I love the results and I'm so used to it and I'm addicted to it. That's what makes it seem as if I 'love' my ED.

 

Yeah, I understand where your coming from at least from certain aspects. However skinny isn’t the only part of and ED so does ED really= better quality of life? I know it certainly doesn’t equal longer life. :/ (not trying to be aggressive or argumentative, but trying to offer another perspective)

 

I'm the same on a lot you said.

When I was heavier, I would not wanna leave the house at all. My mental health went to the trash.

But at a smaller weight, I feel alive.

 

I posted something a bit about this on another thread, but I partially agree. It ruins my life more when people find out about it, if anything? My BPD and depressive symptoms all but vanish when I relapse into ED and fuck I don't want to go back. I don't give a shit. I love taking 200 mg of concerta and just staying up and watching my heart go wild and then walking around and knowing I'm burning calories because fuck all I've had is a 7 cal cucumber and while I wouldn't want anyone else to get stuck here I don't usually feel like I'm stuck. I have drive and purpose and so much satisfaction and I love myself/my body so much more even if I know I won't be satisfied. External validation is where it's at for me!

I would never say it's healthy but I will almost always say I don't care that being said, please get help if you ever want help! I know it's probably just my myriad of problems that make me feel this way.

 

Yeah, I understand where your coming from at least from certain aspects. However skinny isn't the only part of and ED so does ED really= better quality of life? I know it certainly doesn't equal longer life. :/ (not trying to be aggressive or argumentative, but trying to offer another perspective)

Yeah that's a good point. I don't know if it's just denial haha but I that's always something that I think- oh that won't happen to me... you know? I guess I've just evaluated myself over the years and I'm the happiest at a lower weight- and so that's just how I'd prefer to live life- happy and skinny (albeit unhealthy) over depressed and fat. Thanks for your perspective!

 

I posted something a bit about this on another thread, but I partially agree. It ruins my life more when people find out about it, if anything? My BPD and depressive symptoms all but vanish when I relapse into ED and fuck I don't want to go back. I don't give a shit. I love taking 200 mg of concerta and just staying up and watching my heart go wild and then walking around and knowing I'm burning calories because fuck all I've had is a 7 cal cucumber and while I wouldn't want anyone else to get stuck here I don't usually feel like I'm stuck. I have drive and purpose and so much satisfaction and I love myself/my body so much more even if I know I won't be satisfied. External validation is where it's at for me!

I would never say it's healthy but I will almost always say I don't care that being said, please get help if you ever want help! I know it's probably just my myriad of problems that make me feel this way.

Totally agree- when I was younger I loved the attention and shock factor that an ED came with but now I just feel horrified if anyone new questions me about it. I just flat out deny it. So humiliating though!

 

But at a smaller weight, I feel alive.

Thisssssss ^^^

 

I'm the same on a lot you said.

When I was heavier, I would not wanna leave the house at all. My mental health went to the trash.

But at a smaller weight, I feel alive.

duuude yeah so true. it's pretty ridiculous that when my body is healthy i completely hate myself and feel more disordered but when im at too low a weight i feel normal and happy

 

I enjoy myself occasionally but still try really hard to act normal around my daughter... I'd rather her NOT grow up all fucked in the head like me. So I think I don't really enjoy it but have convinced myself I do bc it gives me an excuse to keep going.

 

do i love my ed not really, i think it's easy to fall in love with our ed when it's serving a purpose for us. Like for me I feel like my ed is the best thing in the world when it's distracting me from emotional pain or allowing me to punish myself the way i think i need to be punished but ultimately, I don't truly love it as eventually it takes over and destroys me and then it's no longer "Fun" or rather it's no longer serving the purpose of distracting me from pain but rather causing even more pain. You see eventually the high I get from fasting can't distract me from all the misery and when fasting is no longer sustainable and i'm forced to choice to eat more or go into recovery then I start to hate my ed as it becomes a source of my misery

 

Yeah, I understand where your coming from at least from certain aspects. However skinny isn't the only part of and ED so does ED really= better quality of life? I know it certainly doesn't equal longer life. :/ (not trying to be aggressive or argumentative, but trying to offer another perspective)

Depends on the person though. Yes skinny is a HUGE part if you are coming from 324 pounds. So I think my ed is Mostly fuel by vanity reasons and my perfection disorder. I think my life is still worth living with my ed than living fat...........both can cut your life. But you can live for a lot longer on few calories. Also I dont glorify my ed but it is essence to my life line. And i dont hate myself and it does not cause me to have a unproductive life. I support myself as well. So i dont deal with the guilty so many others feel.if anything I think it through my goals that keeps me steady on the path. so there another perspective. I know what it like to be actual obese.

So technically having a disorder is necessary in my case. Most people regain weight ect but i look at my ed as extra insurance and the fact my weight will always be something i have no choice to pay attention to. I always add this to my augment points i use with my therapist a lot. There no getting around it so like the OP i made lemonade out of my lemons instead. much nicer to get acknowledge for your work. looks, ect when no one is listing your weight on the list.

Again just another perspective i wanted to share as well

 

it's really not good for me in the long run, but its so nice to have something to lose myself in. nothing has ever gripped my soul like anorexia, it's like a an artform or some shit. just wish it didnt jeopardize everything else in my life

 

I kind of agree tbh. I always run to my ed when something in my life goes wrong or out of my control and it's oh so comforting. Not sure why I feel this way but I just do I like making myself go through hell I like getting skinnier in the process I guess that's just a little bonus for all the other shit but also being obsessed with weight and food and wanting to be skinny and torturing myself and finally having control in one tiny part of my life al while killing myself it's comforting in a fucked up twisted way and if anyone in my family ever heard that I would be so fucked.

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I'm the same on a lot you said.

When I was heavier, I would not wanna leave the house at all. My mental health went to the trash.

But at a smaller weight, I feel alive.

i feel dead inside lol

 

When I was younger I would have agreed completely. But you said that the ED improves the quality of your life.

That's just not so. My physical health is atrocious. Yes, my mental health is very good b/c of my weight loss.

But that's only temporary until I'm caught and forced to regain weight.

Ultimately I have to live in this body and feel all of the consequences of my eating disorder.

I do love anorexia but it will kill me. No doubt. So there's that of course.

So does that mean I love my disease? it's hard to say. On a good day I love it.

This morning when I woke up feeling like death, not so much. <_<

 

I can really relate to this. I hate the awfulness of going through ip, of feeling disgusting when I gain weight, etc..

But I love feeling small and tiny. I love it so much. I love having that control. And I hate myself so much for saying this, but I kind of like it that people care.

 

That's how I feel when my weight is higher than I want it to be.. like rn. Only feel alive at a new lw: (

i feel dead inside lol

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In some aspects I feel the same. Like being the skinniest one of my friends feels really good, I’ve always been the “tiny friend” that everyone can carry and fit into small places like a cupboard.. and that’s who I was when I was a kid - the small one. That’s the only thing I’m good at too. And I also feel on top of the world while fasting and restricting. When I see people eat fatty foods and unhealthy snacks I feel superior because I don’t put that greasy disgusting things in my body because I have control. Yes My ed affects my life negatively too but I try to see the positives in any situation lol

 

In some aspects I feel the same. Like being the skinniest one of my friends feels really good, I’ve always been the “tiny friend” that everyone can carry and fit into small places like a cupboard.. and that’s who I was when I was a kid - the small one. That’s the only thing I’m good at too. And I also feel on top of the world while fasting and restricting. When I see people eat fatty foods and unhealthy snacks I feel superior because I don’t put that greasy disgusting things in my body because I have control. Yes My ed affects my life negatively too but I try to see the positives in any situation lol

 

Hey guys help. I was hospitalized and I’m out and I have a follow up tomorrow to check my blood work and heart and all. How can I pass my blood work? Like what should I eat before it so that my sodium and blood sugar and potassium are good? I was in for low blood sugar, low heart rate and low potassium and sodium. Help pls!

 

Me too, to be honest.
I feel like, as when I was a toddler I used to throw everything up due to digestive issues, my body is used to having little food and can perfectly function on it. I haven't experienced a single health problem due to malnutrition yet and my social relationships haven't been affected either.
I love being skinny and everyone complementing me on it

 

I definitely feel better about myself when I'm skinnier

I have some mental health issues so I'm often in a bad place mentally but I always tell myself I'd rather be skinny and unhappy than fat and sad. f*cked up logic but nobody ever seems to care about how you're doing unless you start losing weight quickly

 

Depends on the person though. Yes skinny is a HUGE part if you are coming from 324 pounds. So I think my ed is Mostly fuel by vanity reasons and my perfection disorder. I think my life is still worth living with my ed than living fat...........both can cut your life. But you can live for a lot longer on few calories. Also I dont glorify my ed but it is essence to my life line. And i dont hate myself and it does not cause me to have a unproductive life. I support myself as well. So i dont deal with the guilty so many others feel.if anything I think it through my goals that keeps me steady on the path. so there another perspective. I know what it like to be actual obese.

So technically having a disorder is necessary in my case. Most people regain weight ect but i look at my ed as extra insurance and the fact my weight will always be something i have no choice to pay attention to. I always add this to my augment points i use with my therapist a lot. There no getting around it so like the OP i made lemonade out of my lemons instead. much nicer to get acknowledge for your work. looks, ect when no one is listing your weight on the list.

Again just another perspective i wanted to share as well

This is what I'm discovering as well...coming from obesity, to say that I can acutally beat it and then doing it...best feeling of all.

 

i wish i could go back in time and never start counting calories or scrutinizing my weight/appearance

i have so many other mental health problems...i could use a break lmao

in short, i do NOT at all love having anorexia

 

I have a love hate relationship with ED, I love knowing that its always there with me, its my dirty little secret, it keeps me in control of myself, its a routine, Im not sure how to live without it.

However most days I feel like shit, my hair is falling out, I have a ton of appts with different doctors, I think Im going crazy half the time, I am still .fat fat fat and I m not sure if I will ever be happy