Just.don't.go.down.this.Road. You'll regret it the rest of your life!

 

Just.don't.go.down.this.Road. You'll regret it the rest of your life!

I know. I'm not kidding when I say I'm already in too deep. I'm just looking for similar experiences in this thread. If anyone has concerns feel free to message me

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the stress of law school sent me over the edge. for the first time in 24 years, I didn't excel at something (tbf, I'm at a top 10 law school, so the competition is stiff) but it's been so stressful. so it's like I can't be good at law school, I can be good at being thin and sick.

 

22 years old. I started counting calories and eating raw foods and just obsessing over health, exercising 3 hours a day - lost 50 pounds, reached my goal weight.

Then one day I thought, hey if I cut more calories I can lose more weight and I'll be even happier! So I cut out all sweets, and all fats going HCLF vegan. "The fat you eat is the fat you wear" was my constant thought.

Then I started to cut calories from veggies, I went from 1800 cal a day at the beginning to now 800 a day. I couldn't exercise like I did before and now if I do cardio I get dizzy and my heart goes crazy skipping beats. I started to C&S my meals, I started to C&S everything. Then it kind of hit me, I really fucked up, I'm really in too deep. I didn't even realize what was happening, then I found MPA.

I'm turning 24 and I don't eat well, I'm vegetarian transitioning to vegan slowly. It's crazy to look back and think of how I used to eat, now I'll only eat foods I think are low cal and safe. A rice cake over broccoli, I can't eat bananas anymore - I used to live off of bananas and cashews while working out. I want that life again but I'm so depressed and just tired all the time, I want to die now. Get as thin as I can and die.

 

I think my story is a bit odd - I was diagnosed with anorexia when I was 15, but truth be told, I had no disordered behavior. I was naturally very short, skinny, & active, & I just couldn't convince my Dr. I didn't have an ED bc my BMI was so low. As I moved through high school, I did a little normal dieting here & there to maintain my reputation as super skinny.
Flash forward to freshman year of college when I suddenly quit sports, drank beer daily, & put on the "freshman 15". I panicked & lost it all during a couple weeks of starving myself, and well, I never looked back.
So technically I was diagnosed as a teen, but it was incorrect.
I actually began my life with anorexia at 19, which was practically in my 20's.

 

Also, I totally believe that you're already deeply addicted to this ED you're developing. But the benefit of starting in your 20's is that you're more emotionally stable & reasonable than in your teens. Your willpower is stronger. You stand a great chance of pulling yourself out of this & learning to diet the healthy way. Try seeing a nutritionist before it's too late.

 

Always have been a fussy eater in primary school, was sent home during 3rd-5th grade for playing with food at school. Had a shitty childhood, abusive stepfather. Was forced to eat food I did not like, so it was seen as a punishment. Never liking myself, always anxious and have very few friends. Gender dysphoria, hating my body since puberty and wishing I was born with a female body, starving feels like I'm making myself more feminine and dainty and more attractive. Its just a whole clusterfuck of things

 

Also, I totally believe that you're already deeply addicted to this ED you're developing. But the benefit of starting in your 20's is that you're more emotionally stable & reasonable than in your teens. Your willpower is stronger. You stand a great chance of pulling yourself out of this & learning to diet the healthy way. Try seeing a nutritionist before it's too late.

I'd really appreciate it if people are giving advice or sharing concerns to just message me. If you want my whole story of how I've struggled I can write an essay, but I'm sure no one wants that. I know you're just trying to help but it actually really triggered me.

 

Also, I totally believe that you're already deeply addicted to this ED you're developing. But the benefit of starting in your 20's is that you're more emotionally stable & reasonable than in your teens. Your willpower is stronger. You stand a great chance of pulling yourself out of this & learning to diet the healthy way. Try seeing a nutritionist before it's too late.

I disagree that a person will become more emotionally stable after the teen years. I think for most people it can be true, but you don't know her mental health history. Personally my mental health has worsened with age. I can financially afford better mental health care because I have a job now (it's hard because now I have bills and more responsibility), but it's not magically better after turning 20. I don't feel stronger, I still feel like a kid tbh, I don't know what I'm doing most of the time, I'm just winging "adulthood" because it's expected.

I'll agree that seeing a nutritionist and learning healthy diet behavior is important, but we can tell that to a kid/teen as well. It doesn't make the disordered thoughts go away, and really it has nothing to do with age.

 

Mine really began at 24. I now realise that I've always had very disordered eating, with some very anorexia-ish tendencies, but they didn't come together to form a full blown ED until my marriage collapsed.

My husband was arrested for assaulting me with a kitchen knife, I had the police and social services crawling all over my life and I suddenly found myself a single mother having to pay the mortgage, bills and provide for myself and my son entirely by myself. It was an incredibly stressful time and my way of coping was to stop eating. It all went downhill from there really - although my life otherwise has got back on track, I became obsessed with calories and my weight dropping and just got totally absorbed by it. And here I am now, still totally ruled by my disorder, underweight and completely obsessed with losing more. Sucks ass tbh.

 

Well it started when I was 16-18, not liking how my body looked and then the turning point was when I put on a bunch of weight as a freshman in college.

But then I really didn't understand how calories worked so I would starve and over exercise and then just give up. Lather rinse repeat. I didn't get "good" at it until I was 22-23. The anorexia didn't become what it is now til I was 24, which was only a year ago.

 

I always had weird habits with food (separating food on plates, etc), but I didn't start counting calories and fat until mid-twenties (I'm 34).

 

I was 16 when I first showed signs... But spiralled out of control when I was 18 after having kids... I'm now 20, have attempted recovery, but relapsing. I've so much wrong in this head of mine, this isn't even the worst thing happening to me

 

I was bulimic starting at age 18. Then when I was 27 there were two deaths in the family. That turned a switch on in my brain to restrict, restrict, restrict. Now I'm diagnosed with anorexia. I can't cope with grief and loss well. Also there are a ton of work stressors as well.

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mine has sorta been around since i was fifteen (was diagnosed with anorexic tendencies) but it didn't really flare until early last year when i was 22, which was probably one of the most stressful years of my life; i moved out of state, out of my parents house, started two new jobs at the same time, almost every psychological stressor in the book, and i dealt with it through calorie restriction.

i really hope you can get out of this mess :/. i keep trying but every time i gain the weight back i freak out and tumble down the same hill like the freakin boulder of sisyphus.

 

I think I was predispositioned to have an ED. I was very picky as a kid and even then tended to have an all or nothing attitude towards it.

Late teens & early 20's - 2 unplanned pregnancies really got it started. I was one of those women that couldn't handle the body changes. I cried all the time. I was physically sick the whole time because I couldn't handle getting bigger.

After the pregnancies came the relationship problems - that threw me in 100% ED.

Now- Everything is great. My husband and my kids are wonderful. Yet, I'm still a hot mess!

I think the stress at work and the needing to be the perfect thin person will keep me out of recovery.

 

I'd really appreciate it if people are giving advice or sharing concerns to just message me. If you want my whole story of how I've struggled I can write an essay, but I'm sure no one wants that. I know you're just trying to help but it actually really triggered me.

Well I can't really see how. But sorry if I trigered you. Good luck.

 

Can we please just call the eating disorder what it acutally is, anorexia nervosa and not 'ana'. Ana is not a thing, you don't develop ana. Seriously

 

I always thought I was fat when I was young, I reread my diary and every entry was me telling myself I was going to lose weight. I never did, never really had something driving me to lose.

When I was 20 years old I was with a guy for the first time and one of the first things he told me when we were naked together was "you should start coming to the gym with me" and poked my stomach. That was it for me. From then on out the thought of food made me sick. It's been easier to restrict and exercise and lose ever since then. It seemed like every thought I had about my body my whole life was suddenly validated by someone else.

 

I was 22 and had gained 10 lbs during my first year of marriage. I just wanted to lose the weight I had gained, but I lost the weight and kept going. The things I think contributed to it are:

1) Success -- I'd always been on the edge of overweight all of my life but had never really been able to get thin, even though I had tried many times. For some reason, I figured it all out and I got thinner than I had ever been before. As I got thinner, I got a lot of positive feedback and became addicted to the comments. For the first time in my life, people were calling me "tiny."

2) I was in graduate school and working as a graduate assistant to pay for my tuition, so, of course, there was stress...

3) I'd only been married a year, and I just couldn't seem to make my husband happy with anything I did. Also, he was openly repulsed by overweight women -- made lots of comments about them all the time. Losing weight and getting thin was the only thing I did that seemed to make him happy. Years later, he would come to hate that I had an eating disorder, and now he shames women who have them. Go figure. He hates me now for screwing up his life. I hate myself for screwing up mine. We're still married, by the way -- it's complicated.

I'll be 50 in September, but my ED is still taking its toll on my life, even though my weight isn't all that serious right now (107 lbs at 5'5"). For example, yesterday, my husband and 14-year-old son left for 5 days in New York City, but I couldn't go, because I wouldn't have been able to bring all the food I would need to pack for 5 days. I always have to take my "special" food with me wherever I go, but we were going by train, and I was only allowed 2 carry-ons, and I knew I couldn't pack all my clothes, toiletries, and food for 5 days into just 2 small bags. A normal person could have managed, but I also have body dysmorphia which basically means that, in addition to my food, I have to pack tons of clothes and other things in order to just make myself look acceptable to myself every day. So, while my family is off having a good time in NYC, I'm here at home by myself -- again, and my husband is mad because he's losing money on my train ticket and tour package. I've never traveled by train before, and if my husband had just told me when he was making the plans that I was only allowed two carry-on bags, I would have told him right away that I couldn't do it, but he made the plans, and I didn't know about the luggage restriction until just a few days ago. I have no idea what he was thinking -- he's been traveling with me for years and knows that I have to take tons of stuff with me wherever I go. You'd think he'd know better by now.

 

I'm really interested in this. Someone's 20's is a really common time for other mental disorders to show up, but I think in most the stories I've heard of adult-onset anorexia they were actually having symptoms long before, it just hadn't developed into a full-blown ED yet.

 

I was always an extremely picky child and adolescent. As in only eating very few particular items. But it never manifested more than being a picky eater until the last year or two. I'm in my mid twenties now. And I can't say what actually pushed me over from picky to obsessed two years ago, but it's been on and off restriction since then. And even on my "off" times I'm still hyper aware of what I put into my body and how many calories it contains I just maintain a higher calorie intake during those times and hate myself for it which leads me right back into restriction.

 

I'm only 22. I've had problems with DISORDERED eating forever. When I was in highschool, I weighed over 230lbs. I was bullied mercilessly.

I went to uni, and I was better for a while. When I turned 20, I regressed. I gained 40lbs in a year. I started dating a guy who was abused and has anorexia. So guess what happened. Yeah.

This last year I dropped 50lbs. I am barely above underweight right now. I'm trying to be in recovery mode because this guy and I want to get better. I want you to please seek help. I get that this is your secret thing, but it's not healthy. It's not good. Even if it's not professional, I opened up to my guy and my best friend. That support network helps me. I'm not having panic attacks over 10cal. It's not perfect. I'm freaking out about gaining constantly. But this lifestyle is so much more stress than its worth. I wrote a dissertation, took five uni classes, applied to masters programmes, and anorexia was so much more stressful than any of that combined. It's not worth it.

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I've always had issues with eating and weight. For example, my friend and I would pop MDMA for the sole purpose of using it as an appetite suppressant. We called them "diet pills"... Lol @ teenage me. Anyways, fast forward a few years and here I am. I honestly just traded all my younger self-destructive habits for disordered eating and over-exercising, which I guess is essentially still self-destructive.

 

I'd always been scared of getting fat since I was little, but my eating didn't really become that disordered until a few years ago (when I was 20-21). It still wasn't that bad, I'd just cut out some less healthy foods for a few days until my weight went back down after gaining a bit. I started taking hormones last year, and am basically going through puberty again which I think contributed. I'm a really self-destructive person, and this 2nd puberty is amplifying it quite a lot. I started really seeing myself as fat, and after going over the weight limit I had set for myself I started restricting more. Eventually I got depressed enough about my weight that I started fasting, and when I broke that fast I started purging. I reached my goal weight, and went about 6 pounds below it during this time, and it still didn't feel like enough.

I'm 23 now and it's still early. I still try to go back to normal eating behaviours, but it's hard for me. It feels like a constant argument in my head with myself about whether I want to lose weight, or to go back to eating normally. The guilt anytime I try to eat normally usually pushes me back. This whole thing is getting a lot worse .