you're not crazy. there's shit in my youtube history that would be mortifying if anybody saw.

i think we're allowed to have creepy dark secrets, as long as they're not harmful to other people.

 

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Everyone has their own thing. This is supposed to be a safe place, I certainly hope nobody posts anything hateful in response to this. It took a lot of courage to admit that, and I could certainly see how something so ironic? would be eating away at you. No pun intended. My personal thoughts, and I'm no professional, is that this excites you because it's "dangerous". In the same way some people find bdsm exciting. I personally would not want to be in a dangerously sexual situation, but enjoy rough sex play in a safe environment. Does that make sense? What I'm trying to say is we all have something weird and dark that turns us on. Also, you're a 17 year old virgin. Your hormones are going crazy right now! Try not to read too much into it. At that age I got off on things that I'm ashamed of.

 

Sweetie, you should never be ashamed of what turns you on! I know you are totally not alone in liking those videos, I think it is actually pretty common? (I may be wrong). Don't be ashamed of yourself and just have fun! You allowed to like what you want to like, you should never feel bad for enjoying something. xxx

 

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That's pretty interesting. I got off to my own foot videos I posted online once.

 

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Lol this thread is why I love MPA: starts off with insecure panicked question of self doubt. Ends with everyone uniting over their own unique quirks. lol I love you all!

 

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Its really not that bad hehe no one with a smart brain will condemn you for this so you shouldnt condemn yourself

 

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Honestly don't worry.

Human sexuality is fucking weird as hell. I've masturbated to some pretty gross stuff before.

It wouldn't surprise me if it had something to do with your ED brain and general focus on food/weight gain. There's lots of threads on here about how people's ED have affected their sexuality, honesty I've heard somebody describe laxatives as erotic on here before.

 

LOL calm down! I thought you were doing to say you eat rotted bodies or something.

You just like gainers. You'd probably like being a feeder, or maybe you just like it voyeuristically. Either way, you're not eating dead human bodies or fucking corpses. It really isn't that bad, are you from a very conservative household?

And you don't have to show your bf what you fap to, and vise versa, so I don't see what that has to do with anything. You are still very young and, as it seems, possibly grew up in a very traditional, conservative situation.

 

You really should just accept your kinks for what they are. You're stressing yourself out and feeling so badly over something that is completely normal. We all like what we like, y'know?

 

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Oh, I understand I was from a similar household. It took a while, but I just has to come to terms with the fact that sex and sexual things aren't inherently wrong, or bad. So no sexual act (aside from ones that harm another against their consent) is really good, or bad, or pure. It's just a natural function.

It's okay to be attracted to things more on the edge of what you're used to. Surrey dictates what's "normal", and I'm sure there's a society out there that probably glorifies a sexual act we might find silly or weird.

I know of a couple who have a feeder/feedee situation, but the guy (the feedee) is a body builder and has to eat large amounts of food to build muscle anyway. So, in that way, it's actually really beneficial. C: but I understand. You can still enjoy something without having it "taint" you, you know? It's just a facet of your sexuality that you choose to keep to yourself. It doesn't change who you are, you're still the sweet, elegant, graceful girl you've always been!

 

I'm so proud of you for having the courage to post your inner most feelings hun - well done & be proud of yourself. You have no need to be ashamed of what makes you feel that way, everyone has their own thing.

 

Don't worry about it, everyone has their kinks, as long as you are not hurting anybody it's okay!!!

 

It makes sense to me.. I have been turned on before by something that, in my rational mind, repulses me.

 

It could be the forbideness of food and weight that's turning you on. The fact that you could never live like that but there is an enjoyment of the fact that it's something completely forbidden for you and it's "deviant" nature is turning you on. Don't get me wrong it's completely normal to have kinks and as long as it's safe, sane and consensual it's perfectly ok. So it's not deviant in that way but for you with this disorder your brain sees it as deviant and forbidden which is what's turning you on? I might be completely wrong tho. It's just a theory. Don't be ashamed of it tho, everyone has their own particularities that turn them on. So don't worry about it, it doesn't make you a bad person or anything

 

don't be ashamed. it's honestly not that weird. i think everyone has their own little kinks.^_^

 

I have a secret love of female gainer videos too...especially wen I'm restricting heavily. I just become more and more obsessed with food and making it and smelling it and watching people eat it

 

Just remember there's always someone out there weirder than yourself. Whenever I do something strange I remember that and the embarrassment goes away.