[Lea20619999]

I'm not at a low BMI, but I've rapidly lost a lot of weight and I was undereating by a lot, and I suspect that this (alongside with developing an eating disorder in general) has contributed to my very subclinical-level OCD features reaching a clinically significant, life impairing level. Prior to my ED I didn't even bring those symptoms up with my psychiatrists or therapists over the years, because they didn't use to impact me too much and I had "bigger issues" to discuss, whereas now, alongside the ED diagnosis, I have received an OCD one as well and even got started on some meds for it.

I have noticed that the OCD symptoms, in my case, were the strongest when I was eating the least and are somewhat more manageable now that I eat more, but there are also several different factors that could be responsible for that instead, so I can't really tell. I do however recall that when I was looking at some articles on OCD & ED comorbidity I've seen something about malnutrition possibly worsening OCD traits, so there's that.

Additionally, I've noticed that the months in which I eat the least feel like the longest time, while the ones in which I eat even slightly more feel so fast and just overall more pleasurable.

I am also a way better employee when I eat more — the quality of both my intellectual and social labour skyrockets, and I am just straight up more emotionally equipped to deal with stuff, which all matters a whole lot considering that I'm a teacher.

Exactly ! I feel the same and therefore think maybe 1200 would do more good than harm also for the body aches

 

[Lea20619999]

When I was at this BMI range (eating 1900-1600 calories a day - slowly decreasing as my weight & activity was getting lower) I had exactly the same symptoms as you described, minus the impulsivity maybe. Panic attacks were the worst. This state lasted for about a year, now that I'm at high 11s it's all gone, i.e. my mind is at peace (I wonder whether I can call this an improvement though or if the brain just stopped acting up b/c of the starvation), and my cognitive skills are worse than ever (short attention span, can't read for too long, can't do too much talking, I'm scared of going out because I might just trip over or get hit by a scooter as a result of my poor reflex combined w/ musle wastage & general weakness). My current intake is about 1250 calories daily and I'm mostly sedentary.

Thank you so so much ! I try to increase to 1200-1300 calories a day and am so scared to gain with it.. But realistically it is not very likely I guess. Just the stupid brain

 

[Lea20619999]

I also feel like I only burn that much and would love to increase, but am so paranoid about gaining. I saw a thing about metabolic adaptation and I feel like I'm going to be stuck eating nothing forever because i REFUSE to gain, and am already terrified of food weight.

Feel like you are my brain lol. It is so frustrating to me how we „know“ things but can‘t process them and rationalize them. Like I managed to eat more the last two days and feel way better, but also way fatter which is so stupid ugh