That's manipulation, I understand that they are concerned but that is the worst way to go about it. I'd personally leave because if they truly cared they would take healthy actions to get you help, not manipulation. I had an S/O who threatened to SH whenever I purged. I understand <3

 

I'm sorry but no normal person says those things and doesnt immediatly apologize afterwards, even then I wouldnr consider that sane or normal. My ex used to do that, even if I didnt restrict just brought up my issues.
Its harmful to ones psyche to be told those things.
Its a huge red flag and I'm sorry to tell u that. I'd strongly consider couples therapy or leaving him. I don't want u to be alone but I do want u to be safe.

 

Thats really scary and super manipulative. I would never say that to someone I love.

Does he say manipulative stuff like that in other areas of your life?

I'm really sorry, its not your fault, and a compassionate person would know that thats not how to help someone with and ED. I can understand him being frustrated, because its extremely hard to watch someone hurt themselves and not be able to help. But this is very toxic and manipulative.

 

I think in wanting to support you I don't feel other people posting are really being fair to your OH

You need to be super honest with yourself and objective-

Is it a one off thing of desperation because they're so desperate to try something to try and help you recover after trying many many times in other ways?

Or is it just another example of some pretty nasty behaviour you've seen before from them?

It could honestly be either without knowing the person. they are definitely not the first one to try this tactic and it could be just misguided desperation out of love and concern. Or they could be a toxic controlling narcissist. (You need to know which one it is and don't let them trick you into thinking they're being loving if they're not and don't let your ED rule you either and let's face it people with EDs do kinda manipulate as an unfortunate by product of the ED too)

 

Y'all need to get yourself some therapy.
Seriously, it would help with understanding and communication on this very complicated and sensitive topic.

 

I think it's absolutely the wrong approach from him, but I can also see it not being meant as maliciously as it came off. People tend to say awful things when they're scared and feel powerless to do anything about the situation.

It reminds me a lot of an instance where my father told me that he could just kill himself and see how I liked dealing with it after a particularly life-threatening AN-related episode. Did it hurt? Sure, terribly so. But he'd dealt with my illness for so long that the frustration reached a boiling point; he was scared and wanted to feel like he had some control over what was happening. Other people are totally justified in feeling afraid for you, even when you don't feel like you're wasting away... just as you're justified in feeling awful when they express that fear poorly.

Your partner may just need to get some more professional insight about the nature of eating disorders. Seeing a counselor sounds like a pretty good idea if you can't convey how complex EDs are to him yourself. I don't know how nitty-gritty your conversations about your ED have been with him, but he may start to respond more appropriately given extremely direct communication about what it's like for you. It's hard for most people without an ED to even begin to comprehend how something so basic and necessary can rule over our lives.

 

We can't control our mental health issues like that. He might as well ask a cancer patient to stop having cancer.

 

manipulation, i would say run far as u can trust me

 

ugh, i had an ex like this. that’s manipulative af. yes, seeing someone struggling with an ed is confronting, upsetting, and frustrating, but it’s super toxic to be cruel to someone about their mental illness.

 

I would recommend some couples counseling.

 

Lmao tell him to go ahead. It never lasts.

 

That's so manipulative of him to do, it really isn't fair at all.

I remember a friend of mine said while we were at our other friends house "if you don't eat this pizza, I'm not eating either." And I was just like, uh? It made me feel so shit.

Seriously, what he said isn't okay.

 

I think it's absolutely the wrong approach from him, but I can also see it not being meant as maliciously as it came off. People tend to say awful things when they're scared and feel powerless to do anything about the situation.

It reminds me a lot of an instance where my father told me that he could just kill himself and see how I liked dealing with it after a particularly life-threatening AN-related episode. Did it hurt? Sure, terribly so. But he'd dealt with my illness for so long that the frustration reached a boiling point; he was scared and wanted to feel like he had some control over what was happening. Other people are totally justified in feeling afraid for you, even when you don't feel like you're wasting away... just as you're justified in feeling awful when they express that fear poorly.

Your partner may just need to get some more professional insight about the nature of eating disorders. Seeing a counselor sounds like a pretty good idea if you can't convey how complex EDs are to him yourself. I don't know how nitty-gritty your conversations about your ED have been with him, but he may start to respond more appropriately given extremely direct communication about what it's like for you. It's hard for most people without an ED to even begin to comprehend how something so basic and necessary can rule over our lives.

This was a very good reply. So many on here are just like "wtf triggered, leave him", umm, you can't just leave someone you've been with for 8 years just like that. He got fed up with it, upset and desperate, because he doesn't like watching her like this, it hurts and it keeps hurting him too. He just doesn't truly understand it and, as much as we'd love to - we just can't expect other people to truly understand what we're going through, no matter how educated they get on the matter, they will never truly understand or it will never fully make sense to them, because, logically, how CAN it make sense, to a sane person, to want to look like a skeleton, starve yourself, purge, etc...? We have to try to put ourselves into other people's shoes too, it's hard for us, but it's also fkin hard for them. As for the person that wrote this thread - even if your partner gets some therapy and education on your ED and how to handle it, bottom line is - if you wanna have a future together, you'll just have to try to get into recovery and fight your hardest, for you and for your relationship. I assume it's a fkin serious relationship after 8 years, so...