[extrasmall]

Fully in support of this plan, I really hope you can get some nutrients in to digest and fight off whatever the illness was. Its so hard to resist when you feel a bit off, I thought I was coming down with something last week and ended up b/p again too, for no real reason just couldn't seem to contemplate resting for the sake of feeling better.

Make sure to hydrate well, thinking of you 💜

I did end up taking Monday off (definitely needed to) but didn’t end up getting through it b/p free. Have managed to go b/p free since then though and am slowly feeling better from being sick.

Motivation has been ebbing and flowing for me as well. I’m grateful for the streaks I do manage to go b/p free, and I’m grateful that there have been more of them recently than not.

Honestly too.. beyond all the personal shit we’re all going through, I feel like the state of the world right now is so tits up and everyone is struggling even extra because of it. In times like these I think we have to be able to celebrate the wins we do make and be compassionate with ourselves when we are just too drained to fight.

 

[ohana08]

Hi everyoneeee
no more purging for me. I'm gonna try my hardest to keep everything down and actually get some Cals/nutrition in and not starve myself
all of this feels impossible though
purging everything and starving is kind of my default and eating and not purging is super exhausting and I have school starting next week so I'm superrre terrified but ugh I can't keep going like this so ig I'm doing sth about it

 

[whythelongface]

a day and a half b/p free.

 

[sashaskinny]

13 days binge free but struggling.

had a hard day, i lost my glasses so i couldn’t see and got lost in the middle of the city. i started panicking and crying, and someone started filming me. i finally got home but i’m really upset and feeling an urge to numb the stress by b/ping peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. i’m trying to remind myself that it won’t fix my problems and i can’t rely on it to soothe me. i’m going to take a warm bath and drink a big glass of water.

 

[Winterfae]

13 days binge free but struggling.

had a hard day, i lost my glasses so i couldn’t see and got lost in the middle of the city. i started panicking and crying, and someone started filming me. i finally got home but i’m really upset and feeling an urge to numb the stress by b/ping peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. i’m trying to remind myself that it won’t fix my problems and i can’t rely on it to soothe me. i’m going to take a warm bath and drink a big glass of water.

I'm so sorry that person was so cruel instead of trying to help you!

Yea, a warm bath and a drink sound like a good idea, b/p never really solves anything, it only distracts temporarily and then you end up with more problems to clean up and still the original issue. I really hope you make it through, 13 days is great!

 

[Winterfae]

Hi everyoneeee
no more purging for me. I'm gonna try my hardest to keep everything down and actually get some Cals/nutrition in and not starve myself
all of this feels impossible though
purging everything and starving is kind of my default and eating and not purging is super exhausting and I have school starting next week so I'm superrre terrified but ugh I can't keep going like this so ig I'm doing sth about it

Sorry I didn't get to reply to this sooner, the site has been acting weird for me this week.
How are you doing now?

 

[ohana08]

Sorry I didn't get to reply to this sooner, the site has been acting weird for me this week.
How are you doing now?

omg no don't apologize. you didn't need to reply to anything.

honestly I went 1 day without purging. v low Cals but i took it as a win. ended up vomiting in the late night/ early morning and it spiraled again
couldnt eat or keep anything down. spent over 36h dry fasting cuz I felt too depressed
td I made an effort to eat lunch which was vomited and I knew it would be bc my stomach is just sooo uncomfortable. there's no way for it to feel better except if I begin eating and keep it down. it'll be uncomfortable for a couple weeks then it should be normal but I just can't seem to. like it's just too uncomfortable and painful
im seeing a gastroenterologist tmr. I don't really have much hope bc I've been to a billion over the past 2 years and never received any help☹

 

[sashaskinny]

unfortunately i’m back. still technically b/p free. i started feeling worse as the night progressed, leading to a pretty big meltdown. i got so worked up i thought i was going to throw up, and i really wanted to. i had a mostly empty stomach after eating a 250 calorie dinner 4 hours earlier, but i just wanted the feeling of throwing up. i didn’t though. i called my mom to help talk me down because i was definitely feeling like a risk to myself. i paced my apartment and talked to her for a couple hours until i wore myself out, and now i’m tucking myself into bed. i don’t know if i feel better, more that i feel too tired and distracted to feel hysterical. my doctor said it’s pretty common to have dips like this around the 2 week mark of being clean from b/p, so i think i was just on schedule for a meltdown. luckily i didn’t let it make me relapse, and hopefully i will wake up tomorrow feeling rested and less unstable.

and thank you to winterfae for the lovely words of support, it definitely helped me ride through my urges instead of giving into them!

 

[whythelongface]

12 hours b/p free. throat still hurts. buldak noodles.

 

[shua]

1 hour b/p free after what could have been a year, trying not to beat myself up too much over it
i forgot just how much it hurts my body, not at all worth it but i don't know if i can stop a relapse

 

[Winterfae]

1 hour b/p free after what could have been a year, trying not to beat myself up too much over it
i forgot just how much it hurts my body, not at all worth it but i don't know if i can stop a relapse

All tge efforts you made so far don't get erased with one slip, you did amazing to get as far as you did. I sincerely hope you can keeo resisting and see it as an anomaly rather than a relapse.

 

[Winterfae]

unfortunately i’m back. still technically b/p free. i started feeling worse as the night progressed, leading to a pretty big meltdown. i got so worked up i thought i was going to throw up, and i really wanted to. i had a mostly empty stomach after eating a 250 calorie dinner 4 hours earlier, but i just wanted the feeling of throwing up. i didn’t though. i called my mom to help talk me down because i was definitely feeling like a risk to myself. i paced my apartment and talked to her for a couple hours until i wore myself out, and now i’m tucking myself into bed. i don’t know if i feel better, more that i feel too tired and distracted to feel hysterical. my doctor said it’s pretty common to have dips like this around the 2 week mark of being clean from b/p, so i think i was just on schedule for a meltdown. luckily i didn’t let it make me relapse, and hopefully i will wake up tomorrow feeling rested and less unstable.

and thank you to winterfae for the lovely words of support, it definitely helped me ride through my urges instead of giving into them!

Thats so interesting! I notice in myself that 2 weeks is usually where I break, I thought it was just me but it helps to think that's quite a common effect.

And you're so welcome, I wish I was a bit more consistently engaged with this thread, but I hooe everyone here feels supported.

 

[Winterfae]

omg no don't apologize. you didn't need to reply to anything.

honestly I went 1 day without purging. v low Cals but i took it as a win. ended up vomiting in the late night/ early morning and it spiraled again
couldnt eat or keep anything down. spent over 36h dry fasting cuz I felt too depressed
td I made an effort to eat lunch which was vomited and I knew it would be bc my stomach is just sooo uncomfortable. there's no way for it to feel better except if I begin eating and keep it down. it'll be uncomfortable for a couple weeks then it should be normal but I just can't seem to. like it's just too uncomfortable and painful
im seeing a gastroenterologist tmr. I don't really have much hope bc I've been to a billion over the past 2 years and never received any help☹

I really hope it's different this time at gastro, good luck at your appt!

I was like that a lot several years ago, it did get better over time but I had to rely a lot on liquid foods to begin with because everything else was just too painful

 

[sashaskinny]

deleted

 

[frickfrack]

Not going to binge at least for today tomorrow and the next day. Also going to work up the courage to throw out my laxatives. Ive used them for ed purposes maybe 4 times in like 9 years, and today is one of them. I dont want to make it a habit

 

[kjemperkatte]

Stay to your meal rutines, if it’s hard inspire yourselves from ED clinic/psychiatry meal times.

 

[Mythfire]

I'm gonna allow myself ice cream tomorrow and not purge it. I wanna be purge free even if my psychiatrist isn't worried about it.

 

[Solacemoon]

Hi all

I haven't posted on here a while due to being busy with nursing school and working. I made it 2 weeks binge free and about 5 and a half weeks binge/purge free until today.

Felt like I needed an outlet for the past couple of weeks and I went back too it. I could feel myself slipping during this week because I was offered food and I relaxed a bit eating with my boyfriend in the evening. It made me want to go overboard today, so I b/ped. Not feeling too terrible about it because I've come far. I've also moved in with my partner, and that makes it a lot easier. We eat dinner together in the evenings and he's always with me, so I'm unlikely going to binge or purge. It's been a life-saver. After 10 years of this hell, I feel like I'm really turning a corner and I'm excited to let go for good.

 

[fatt3st]

Hi everyone,
I want to stop b/p'ing, but I have been consistently been doing so since 2020. As in, I do not remember a day in which I have not b/p'ed less than two times. Often, I b/p between 3-5 times a day. I haven't lost any weight in the process, but I have spent hundreds (if not thousands) on biscuits, chocolates, cakes, etc. This began when I was 14/15, and I am turning twenty soon. I feel very scared, and I currently have no faith in myself- my b/p habits have quite literally become muscle memory, and I cannot begin my day/end my day without my ritual b/p. Has anyone been in this situation of literally not remembering a time before b/p? I dont even know how I would function around food, or function with any emotions I feel in my life. I feel like my life has been on hold, and I want it to begin. I will check in here everyday for the foreseeable future, but I really want reassurance that this can be done.

 

[Winterfae]

Hi everyone,
I want to stop b/p'ing, but I have been consistently been doing so since 2020. As in, I do not remember a day in which I have not b/p'ed less than two times. Often, I b/p between 3-5 times a day. I haven't lost any weight in the process, but I have spent hundreds (if not thousands) on biscuits, chocolates, cakes, etc. This began when I was 14/15, and I am turning twenty soon. I feel very scared, and I currently have no faith in myself- my b/p habits have quite literally become muscle memory, and I cannot begin my day/end my day without my ritual b/p. Has anyone been in this situation of literally not remembering a time before b/p? I dont even know how I would function around food, or function with any emotions I feel in my life. I feel like my life has been on hold, and I want it to begin. I will check in here everyday for the foreseeable future, but I really want reassurance that this can be done.

Yes, I've been doing this for 20 years, and like you I had periods of years at a time where I couldn't remember a single day I hadn't not purged.
HOWEVER I can also assure you that it doesn't have to be like this forever.

I started putting in restrictions on myself to reduce, for example, not taking my purse with me so I couldn't buy food, only a bit of emergency cash.
I told myself I couldn't do it at college, so that became a safe space. I couldn't do it before 4pm, because if I started earlier, I'd do it all day.

I also had to come to terms with feeling uncomfortable on occasion. Having to put in place a meal plan that didn't do the same emotional regulation as b/p, but gave me structure and some basic nutrition.

I needed a lot of distractions at the start, whether thatwas physically like chewing gum, having a hot cup of tea, or reading a book, watching a movie, getting into a hot bath, going nature walks. I'd try to arrange outdoor activities that didn't revolve around food and went to food free spaces like the gym and library.

Although I'm not a great example of someone who has made a full recovery, I can pretty consistently go for 2 weeks now, and a month is doable. I think if I'd committed to this earlier, at 20 rather than still fully engaged with my ED at 30, I'd have had a really good chance of a full recovery and might not have lost those extra 15 years to this bs.

Have a skim through this whole thread, there are definitely some amazing success stories as well as advice.

Don't give up. You're doing great already to have acknowledged this isn't how you want your 20s to go, and to have sought out advice. I truly belive it is possible 💜