[sk1nnyang1]

i haven't been happy since i was hungry

 

[sk1nnyang1]

i want to end it all

 

[sk1nnyang1]

jeez why was i so dramatic im literally over that

 

[sk1nnyang1]

anyways im not fat but i would like to fast today and continue my clean eating tomorrow. on the 22nd hour of my fast rn. feeling okay, drowsy but i'll live. i had a chewable vitamin c "candy" earlier so i feel like i just ate!

 

[sk1nnyang1]

i love those people who can eat 2k calories of junk a day and maintain a low(er) weight, and lose if they eat like 1.8k. i saw this one girl who eats like that, and she's like, 5'8? not even that tall, and she only burns like 200 a day by exercise. this is my absolute dream. how do i train my metabolism to do this.

 

[sk1nnyang1]

will start reading anna karenina because the kites is boring me. i want to get into classics anyway.

 

[sk1nnyang1]

pocrescophobia in my veins

 

[sk1nnyang1]

i dont know what i want from myself
i am meaner to myself than anyone in my life is

 

[sk1nnyang1]

when i was in an abusive relationship i began to feel sympathy for myself, like i had finally found someone who treats me worse than i treat myself, what a blessing
now i can feel bad for myself and even begin to love myself, for lack of external love
i truly felt like i could love myself when i was in direct harm
maybe i just need to find someone new who can harm me
maybe with harm i can learn to love

 

[sk1nnyang1]

i begin to learn that these tears which bubble at the sight of myself are illusory, and that i am not one to trust with my appearance

i have not been called fat since ages ago

does this not show that what i believe to be true is wrong?
what i have held so dearly to my heart since the age of 6 is but pretend?
i digress
appearance is comical
what i think of myself is ridiculous, as no one else thinks the same, and torturing myself based off of a false opinion is frivolous. i am framing myself every day

 

[sk1nnyang1]

alex g will make the most mind numbingly earth shattering most trembling falling to your knees excruciatingly desperately beautiful song ive ever witnessed before and it's literally 1:04 long

i got paradise waiting in my drawer

 

[sk1nnyang1]

if u dont like me then kill me and if u not gonna do that then stfu

 

[sk1nnyang1]

this whole day felt like an orgasm

 

[sk1nnyang1]

i'm not starving because i fuckin love chipotle

 

[sk1nnyang1]

blogging in my bathtub

 

[sk1nnyang1]

all these self harm scars like tattoos forever reminding me that i was once vulnerable

 

[sk1nnyang1]

and if a man is to kiss my hips he will see the remains of what had a hold of me before him, of what surrounded the depths of my heart, framing him as a replacement and not an original

 

[sk1nnyang1]

fawn and lace and peach, these are the innocent, childlike colors of my precocious, solemn mutilation

 

[sk1nnyang1]

she requires slumber

 

[sk1nnyang1]

бляяяя дай поспать