Someone else in the kitchen, the sound of dishes are getting on my nerves. 😑😬

 

I'm up .6lbs

 

im watching a weight loss culture youtube video and thinking about how much i just want people to notice

 

I need a haircut, my fringe is sitting stupidly today and it’s making me feel ugly which in turn obviously makes me think fat fat fat

 

this one girl who was in my dance class this morning who looks skinnier than me

 

Just got locked up in hospital under the mental health act for losing too much weight and obs dropping off so in for another long haul inpatient stay. Want to kill myself. Have security sitting at the end of my bed so I can’t even get out of bed. Fuck the public health system in Australia - and i got transferred from a private clinic. They are all in it together to fuck you over - I don’t think I’ll ever trust or speak to my psychiatrist again. Fuck youuuu.

 

I have a weight check on Friday

 

Knowing that I could be thinspo skinny if I just applied myself a little bit more😓
I’m in the low bmi 15’s and already skinny but I could look so much better if I didn’t eat like a fucking pig every day

 

To be honest?? I find myself feeling handsome when looking at my face. I think I actually don’t look too bad. But my body has just never ever made me feel attractive or handsome. Idk if that’s makes sense. I hate that my face selfies look thinner than my body.

 

I got called a pregnant cow, also got called "pretty like something to watch incognito" while the other girl got called "beautiful like a movie". if I were skinnier, I wouldn't be as sexualized and maybe actually be beautiful.

 

I accidentally found out that my recovered twin sibling is 4 pounds lighter than me

 

My mom told me she didn't eat all day & is starting to work out.

 

I didnt like the waist to hip measurement ratio at the final fitting for my wedding dress :/

 

knowing I'm fat but the fact that I still want to eat

 

the feeling of my thighs rubbing together lmao

 

just feeling my body in general at the moment. Pleasee get it away from me I just want to be a gaseous ball of air atp, no physical form for me pls

 

thats honestly so real.... i would love to just not have a body lmao

 

my body and weight 😭 and the fact my bf is the same height as me but hes bmi 15

 

Feeling thick, still above 100lbs

 

final recovery weight won't be my comfortable weight/health and nutrition on me won't look the way i want it to, and i have to be okay with that to not get a failing grade in recovery bc i don't get to pick and choose lol

 

I don't have a therapist anymore and also someone in my family is so sick rn it's crazy stressing me out lol

 

Yesterday I talked to one of my family members for the first time in maybe a year. Yes I would like to starve away that feeling of seeing them, very much so.

 

My own body.

 

Seeing Ariana Grande as Glinda in Wicked🙃

 

REAAALLL

 

my reflection this morning. the whole bottom half of my body is so round and stuffed with fat it’s disgusting. I have a concert coming up in less than a week and i’m petrified of having to go with my bf because everyone there will be skinnier than me and prettier

 

The scales not currently dropping due to stomach issues and constipation and it's driving me insane. The bloating by the end of the day triggers the hell out of me even though logically it can be explained just not to my ed brain