hi, i think its great that you are at least concerned for your health as am I now im 40 im wondering what damage i have done/am doing to myself.
i suffer anxiety and im a hypochondriac yet i have been starving my body since i was about 14 (when i remember it being an issue)
i am not severly underweight however have been.
i restrict constantly. i have palpatations. i feel mentally exhausted and self loathing. obsessed. lonely. i have terrible body dismorphia i feel shocked and sick when i see myself sometimes yet i am slightly underweight now.
i have insomnia from hunger.
i have terrible self esteem.
i have no idea if i am physicly damaging myself however i imagine i am. im exhausted and get sick often.
xx

 

hi, i think its great that you are at least concerned for your health as am I now im 40 im wondering what damage i have done/am doing to myself.
i suffer anxiety and im a hypochondriac yet i have been starving my body since i was about 14 (when i remember it being an issue)
i am not severly underweight however have been.
i restrict constantly. i have palpatations. i feel mentally exhausted and self loathing. obsessed. lonely. i have terrible body dismorphia i feel shocked and sick when i see myself sometimes yet i am slightly underweight now.
i have insomnia from hunger.
i have terrible self esteem.
i have no idea if i am physicly damaging myself however i imagine i am. im exhausted and get sick often.
xx

If you feel like sharing...how long have you struggled with ed symptoms? If I had to estimate, I have about 6-9 years of regular ed behavior practice, but severe behavior symptoms went mostly underground for 5 years while when I got hooked on drugs and alcohol (which I used to lose weight, or deal with weight gain) which is another hell, though not wholly dissimiliar in regard to health problems, toll on life. I didn't see myself living past my drug, alcohol addictions, I was hospitalized often for that so my body has already been stressed by that. All I can think about lately is how sad it would be for my Mum to have seen me live through what she thought would take me and for me to finally want to live, but then die suddenly and having the medical examiner saying to her...her heart, body just couldn't take any more. I feel so guilty. The power of eds over the sufferer is phenomenal (literal definition, not synonym for amazing)-terror about repercussions, consequences, but each day all I care about is losing another lb. The way I treat my body, it probably looks like I'm trying to kill myself on the outside, and maybe subconciously a part of me is trying to do that, but no part of my conscious reality is in concert with that. I have been feeling crazier lately. I did schedule a doctor appointment to discuss concerns, haven't been in for while out of fear them keeping up to date on my descent.

I have not been severely underweight either.

I appreciate that you chose to share and what you shared, thank you.

 

If you feel like sharing...how long have you struggled with ed symptoms? If I had to estimate, I have about 6-9 years of regular ed behavior practice, but severe behavior symptoms went mostly underground for 5 years while when I got hooked on drugs and alcohol (which I used to lose weight, or deal with weight gain) which is another hell, though not wholly dissimiliar in regard to health problems, toll on life. I didn't see myself living past my drug, alcohol addictions, I was hospitalized often for that so my body has already been stressed by that. All I can think about lately is how sad it would be for my Mum to have seen me live through what she thought would take me and for me to finally want to live, but then die suddenly and having the medical examiner saying to her...her heart, body just couldn't take any more. I feel so guilty. The power of eds over the sufferer is phenomenal (literal definition, not synonym for amazing)-terror about repercussions, consequences, but each day all I care about is losing another lb. The way I treat my body, it probably looks like I'm trying to kill myself on the outside, and maybe subconciously a part of me is trying to do that, but no part of my conscious reality is in concert with that. I have been feeling crazier lately. I did schedule a doctor appointment to discuss concerns, haven't been in for while out of fear them keeping up to date on my descent.

I have not been severely underweight either.

I appreciate that you chose to share and what you shared, thank you.

hi
im happy to share,its nice we can be open here.ed is a lonely disease.
i started restricting when i was 11 and became ana at 16 until my work and bf at the time pushed me into outpatient treatment.i got healthy and exercised obessively but still had ed tendancies.i had my 1st child at 28 and didnt cope with gaining and i was depressed, i over ate and actually became slightly overweight until the birth of my 3rd child 4 years ago and my marriage ended..i finally felt in control and i lost all the weight through restriction..im underweight now but not ana..my head is at its worst ed wise though i think..
i cant stand my post baby stomach and the more i lose the worse it becomes..
my parents comment on my ed but dont care and even when i was ana and in OP treatment they wouldnt acknowledge it.
its a sad lonely disease with little understanding. i suffer anxiety also which i guess is part of this illness.
i dont want to recover because i dont want to gain. my friend who knows about it is begging me to seek help but i cant..
so its been 30 years for me this year i guess. wow lol

 

I'm not trying to be a bitch, but what do you mean by atypical anorexia with restriction/purging?? Atypical "anorexia" is part of OSFED and it's a subcategory of its own. There are no subcategories below a subcategory of OSFED... Actual anorexia nervosa has restriction subtype and b/p subtype.

 

I'm not trying to be a bitch, but what do you mean by atypical anorexia with restriction/purging?? Atypical "anorexia" is part of OSFED and it's a subcategory of its own. There are no subcategories below a subcategory of OSFED... Actual anorexia nervosa has restriction subtype and b/p subtype.

Identified diagnosis is meant to state what I identify with and also the terms my treatment providers use in reference to my behaviors. I understand that there are guidelines in the DSM, but that does not mean that they are perfect guidelines, or that everyone fits neatly into a section. The DSM can be controversial in its efforts to define brain malady and considering the revisions, the definitions are not set in stone. I have fit into different sections (strictly) depending on the time of my life as well as exhibiting EDNOS, so now recognized as OSFED, behaviors so by listing "Identified" above, I meant for individuals to describe their illness as they see it, not necessarily by what how the American Psychological Association sees the behaviors.

Atypical for me has been anorexic behavior, but without severely low weight, thus far. Restriction to me is typically eating solid 300-500 calories, drinking ~400 cals (smoothies, coffees). Purging means taking laxatives on occasion, but not regularly or vomiting 1-2x a month. Subtype to me meant my method, behaviors of choice [I use choice loosely here], or how I engage in unhealthy weight loss. I predominately starve by restriction as my illness of choice currently which my therapists and myself call anorexia in therapy, but on occasion have felt the uncontrollable urge to get ride of what I consider small items (an apple, 3 cups of air-popped popcorn) which my therapists and myself call purging or restrictive behavior that I engage in, but are not regular behaviors. I understand how my given information in original post could be confusing and I hope that I was able to clear it up a bit...in a nutshell, the further along I get into my disease this time 'round, the closer I am to a textbook diagnosis of anorexia, but I don't necessarily subscribe to the clearly defined lines given neatly in the text separating the disorders.

If you have further request for clarification, I am happy to try to convey what I mean, I'm not sure if I was able to do that here.

 

hi
im happy to share,its nice we can be open here.ed is a lonely disease.
i started restricting when i was 11 and became ana at 16 until my work and bf at the time pushed me into outpatient treatment.i got healthy and exercised obessively but still had ed tendancies.i had my 1st child at 28 and didnt cope with gaining and i was depressed, i over ate and actually became slightly overweight until the birth of my 3rd child 4 years ago and my marriage ended..i finally felt in control and i lost all the weight through restriction..im underweight now but not ana..my head is at its worst ed wise though i think..
i cant stand my post baby stomach and the more i lose the worse it becomes..
my parents comment on my ed but dont care and even when i was ana and in OP treatment they wouldnt acknowledge it.
its a sad lonely disease with little understanding. i suffer anxiety also which i guess is part of this illness.
i dont want to recover because i dont want to gain. my friend who knows about it is begging me to seek help but i cant..
so its been 30 years for me this year i guess. wow lol

Strange thing, parents at times seeming to ignore the reality of this illness. My mother, perhaps similarly, speaks to my eating behaviors, but even after past treatments has not acknowledged the existence of an "eating disorder." My sister and brother don't like to talk about it either so we pretend it doesn't exist. This was not reflected when I had drug and alcohol problems, they acknowledged (and joked) about that. It may be the association between eating disorders and family systems (though this holds true for addiction as well) that makes some families fall silent when it comes to this issue.

It is lonely. Once open with my partner of 5 years, now I am trying out the hiding it since he began to complain about my weight loss and was telling me I should pursue treatment. He's quieter since I've gone quiet, but I feel a special kind of alone now, and resentment albeit for choices that I'm making like wearing clothes that make me happy during the day that make it easy to do body checks in mirrors, but changing into baggier clothes and padded bras when it's about that time for him to come home. Also, it takes energy to make up stories about the "meals" I'm eating during the day while he's at work to mislead him. I've only begun hiding it this time in the last two weeks and am not enjoying my life, though I wasn't fully before either, at least I felt I could be honest with him who is supposed to be my best friend, but he would say hurtful things about me not being attractive anymore also which made the honest sharing about what's going on unsafe.

 

Identified diagnosis is meant to state what I identify with and also the terms my treatment providers use in reference to my behaviors. I understand that there are guidelines in the DSM, but that does not mean that they are perfect guidelines, or that everyone fits neatly into a section. The DSM can be controversial in its efforts to define brain malady and considering the revisions, the definitions are not set in stone. I have fit into different sections (strictly) depending on the time of my life as well as exhibiting EDNOS, so now recognized as OSFED, behaviors so by listing "Identified" above, I meant for individuals to describe their illness as they see it, not necessarily by what how the American Psychological Association sees the behaviors.

Atypical for me has been anorexic behavior, but without severely low weight, thus far. Restriction to me is typically eating solid 300-500 calories, drinking ~400 cals (smoothies, coffees). Purging means taking laxatives on occasion, but not regularly or vomiting 1-2x a month. Subtype to me meant my method, behaviors of choice [I use choice loosely here], or how I engage in unhealthy weight loss. I predominately starve by restriction as my illness of choice currently which my therapists and myself call anorexia in therapy, but on occasion have felt the uncontrollable urge to get ride of what I consider small items (an apple, 3 cups of air-popped popcorn) which my therapists and myself call purging or restrictive behavior that I engage in, but are not regular behaviors. I understand how my given information in original post could be confusing and I hope that I was able to clear it up a bit...in a nutshell, the further along I get into my disease this time 'round, the closer I am to a textbook diagnosis of anorexia, but I don't necessarily subscribe to the clearly defined lines given neatly in the text separating the disorders.

If you have further request for clarification, I am happy to try to convey what I mean, I'm not sure if I was able to do that here.

There's nothing shameful in having OSFED. You make it seem like anorexia is the "higher" illness. The DSM isn't a set of guidelines, it is clear set of diagnostic boundaries. There are different disorders for a reason. Someone with anorexia requires different treatment than someone with bulimia. Someone with anorexia HAS to gain weight, so that's why the diagnosis is different. It's not like gender identity, it's about illness. You can't have brain cancer, but "identify" with leukemia just because you needed a similar treatment that a leukemia patient might have. Does that make sense?

Another example, my friend had really horrible bulimia and was incorrectly labeled as an anorexic. She was sent to treatment and they treated her like an anorexic and never addressed binging and purging. It ended up not being very effective for her and she wishes she had treatment for her bulimia. She was a minor at the time, so she didn't have much choice in the matter. She's doing much better now (years later!).

There is a difference for a reason. Someone with anorexia has different treatment needs than someone with a different eating disorder, for example weight gain is absolutely necessary with anorexia, but not necessarily with bulimia or OSFED. On/off restricting (eating normally and then 300-500 calories as you said) will result in a non-life threatening weight and require different treatment. I know I'm repeating myself... Does any of that make sense? It makes it a lot easier for your providers and people on the internet to understand what you're going through when you label yourself correctly. There's a reason there are distinctions. OSFED can be just as deadly as anorexia or bulimia. Don't be ashamed of that and wish for a different illness. Work on treating what you have. <3

 

There's nothing shameful in having OSFED. You make it seem like anorexia is the "higher" illness. The DSM isn't a set of guidelines, it is clear set of diagnostic boundaries. There are different disorders for a reason. Someone with anorexia requires different treatment than someone with bulimia. Someone with anorexia HAS to gain weight, so that's why the diagnosis is different. It's not like gender identity, it's about illness. You can't have brain cancer, but "identify" with leukemia just because you needed a similar treatment that a leukemia patient might have. Does that make sense?

Another example, my friend had really horrible bulimia and was incorrectly labeled as an anorexic. She was sent to treatment and they treated her like an anorexic and never addressed binging and purging. It ended up not being very effective for her and she wishes she had treatment for her bulimia. She was a minor at the time, so she didn't have much choice in the matter. She's doing much better now (years later!).

There is a difference for a reason. Someone with anorexia has different treatment needs than someone with a different eating disorder, for example weight gain is absolutely necessary with anorexia, but not necessarily with bulimia or OSFED. On/off restricting (eating normally and then 300-500 calories as you said) will result in a non-life threatening weight and require different treatment. I know I'm repeating myself... Does any of that make sense? It makes it a lot easier for your providers and people on the internet to understand what you're going through when you label yourself correctly. There's a reason there are distinctions. OSFED can be just as deadly as anorexia or bulimia. Don't be ashamed of that and wish for a different illness. Work on treating what you have. <3

My intent has nothing to do with making one label "higher" or otherwise. The approach my treatment team takes is one of harm reduction to all of my behaviors, not to the diagnostic criteria. This may be different for you, but this is my experience. I don't identify with one label or another. It's my illness and this is how I choose to describe it. I can see where you are coming from on misunderstandings, but that is where communication is beneficial, like the one we are having. If there is an issue of clarification, as there has been in our dialogue, questions and answers are good for resolving that issue, but my simply identifying with one particular label does not accurately represent my experience, and I think, could bring harm in that regard.

I'm not sure what you mean by on/off restricting. In regard to my behavior, I do not eat "normally" and then restrict. I just restrict everyday.

I think the confusion may lie, at least partly, in this...when I stated restrictive/purging subtype I meant to convey that I do not fit into the strictly atypical anorexia category because I will occasionally fall into cycles where I feel compelled to take laxatives or vomit and that I do not believe I am exhibiting atypical anorexia when I eat over 1000 calories a day.

I respect everything you've said and understand the need for distinctions in efforts to apply treatment! I am just trying to communicate that my treatment team and myself approach treatment in a way that we feel is best for me in that a label does not help me when there is not a whole lot of evidence-based agreed upon treatment methods [Yet] for eating disordered individuals that have consistent and effective results. So in your argument, that the guidelines are there to treat the particular category, I do not necessarily agree that individualized treatment plans to a specific category are always is what effective for each individual. Our illnesses are nuanced, our life circumstances and our behaviors varied, but having general treatment plans for specific categories, I do think can be beneficial as a guide, but not the final word.

 

Those sympomts are normal with your ed. Abd if you suffer and if you can't take it anymore you have to stop with vomiting. But i now it is easier said than done. I puck when i forced to eat a stupid bit of a slice of bread. The symptoms wil be worse..

 

those are all "typical" ed symptoms, but the heart troubles should concern you. there are different kids of tachycardia. some much more dangerous than others. i ignored warning signs and ended up with failing organs and a heart that can hardly handle standing up some days. please be careful. this is a slippery slope and you can't mess around when it comes to your heart.