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in a silly goofy mood where calories don’t scare me as much today. has oats for brekky, popcorn later (my friend was still over) sweet potato and chicken for dinner. i went to kroger w/my mom and was able to get a lot of safe foods so that’s cool. i got sugar free maple syrup and sugar free chocolate syrup!! and oat flour, pumpkin purée, low cal chocolate chips,and frozen peaches. excited. i made hot chocolate with almond milk and that 5 cal syrup.
breakfast: 1/2 cup oats + 1 tbs sf jam -160
snacks: popcorn, raspberries, and hot cocoa- like 250??
dinner: 1/2 a sweet potato and chicken breast -estimating 350
in that same goofy mood as yesterday, so i upped the intake a bit and compensated with exercise. all the shit i ate today really hit the spot tho and i have no binge urges and feel completely satisfied!! im not even thinking abt food as much and i was able to eat a good amount for not too many cals.
breakfast: 1/2 cup oats with sf maple syrup+ stevia- 155 cal
lunch: 1 can light tuna in water + cucumber, tomato, lettuce, lemon juice- 120 cal
some ed related stuff happened today. my sister had a chat with me abt my weight loss, but not in the way i’d expect; she said she didn’t know why everyone was so concerned because i was perfectly healthy. she said i’m the healthiest person she knows. she was like “it’s just because you’re healthy now! you eat all the required meals and they’re all super nutritious.” i love that she thinks that. i wonder if she’ll still think that when i’m bones.
anyway, breakfast i had a protein shake, just a scoop of protein powder in water. it was pretty yum. dinner i had the most delightful oatmeal that had ever graced my tongue. i put peach, maple syrup (sugar free ofc) and cinnamon. my snacks were raspberries with sf chocolate sauce and then cucumber with lemon juice total 420 cal
breakfast: 1 scoop protein powder and water- 150 cal (25g protein! )
dinner: 1/2 cup oats + 1/2 cup peaches + 2tbs sf maple syrup + stevia and cinnamon-200 cal
snacks: raspberries and hershey sauce, cucumber - 70 cal
last day of january. back in the mood where cals are scary.
breakfast: 1/2 cup oats + sf maple syrup +stevia +cinnamon - 155 cal
dinner: tuna salad- 145 cal
total: 300
about the meal pics thing, i just kind of have an obsession with taking pics of my food before i eat it 😅 sometimes i post it and sometimes i don’t. if it was similar to something i already took a pic of or nothing extraordinary i just don’t lol
today was not a great day. i’m feeling really guilty about what i ate. i think i wasted my cals. i was trying out protein shakes today and i feel like liquid cals are a waste but i did get 50g protein which is way more than normal. ughhhhhh i feel so horribly guilty. i hit 500 cal today which is disgusting.
breakfast: protein shake (150 cal)
lunch: protein coffee (150 cal..)
dinner: sad attempt at low cal pancakes although they tasted fucking divine (150 cal)
desert: other half of banana and sf chocolate syrup (60 cal)
guilt guilt guilt guilt. today was awful. i cried about a banana. my dad was watching me in the kitchen so if i didjt grab anything it would be sus so i grabbed a banana. i stood holding it on my phone thinking he would walk away soon but he didn’t and just asked if i was gonna eat it. i said yea during the movie (we were about to watch a movie) and i rlly didn’t wanna have those xtra cals but i did and i feel so guilty.
breakfast: 1/2 cup oats + 1/8 pumpkin purée and spices - 160 cal
oh god.. i guess today was something of a meta day. it started out pretty low cal but my dad unexpectedly made me a bowl of spaghetti with meatballs which i’m guessing was like 500 cal?? he said he wouldn’t give me much cuz i’m sick so it wasn’t a lot but there was like 3 meatballs in it. i feel so terrible and i’m having binge urges today especially about cereal.
breakfast: 1 cup cheerios with 1 cup unsweetened almond milk- 150 cal (only had like 1/3 of the milk)
lunch: smoothie made with 5 frozen strawbs and 3/4 cup almond milk (estimating amount cuz dad watched me make it) with ice- 50 cal
sick so i stayed home today which meant cravingsssss. craving a pb and j sandwich, cereal, and bananas for some reason. i’ve been bloating rlly bad also which sucks
breakfast: 1/2 cup oats with sf jam- 160 cal
lunch: 1 banana and 4 big strawberries w/sf choc syrup and sf maple syrup/-150 cal (tasted more like dessert it was fabulous)
today was.. weird.? idk. part of me felt weirdly recovered or maybe that i wanted to recover, i didn’t feel hungry at all but i wanted to eat, like i just wanted food in my mouth but i didn’t want to binge, i wanted to eat bowls upon bowls of cereal but then i was like nah i don’t rlly wanna anymore. i became so exhausted and depressed and i just wanted to sleep so i took a nap and when i woke up i had a burst of motivation to do my work.
if i eat like i have been, around 400-600 cals avg daily, i’ll be at my ugw around april-may. if i want to stretch this ed out before i’m forced into recovery i could eat 1000 cals and be at my gw in like june or something. cuz i want it to last. i want to stay thin for a while and i want to be as skinny as i can be for as long as i can without being admitted inpatient by my parents. but then part of me keeps thinking one day i’ll recover. i see food and think “oh i’ll eat that when i’m recovered” but i don’t think i actually want to recover. i think perhaps i’ll just relapse when i’m a little older or away from my parents. have the best of both worlds. or just maintain a low weight. idk we’ll see how it goes ig
breakfast: 1/2 cup oats with peaches and pumpkin - 190 cal
lunch- tuna salad (1 can tuna with lettuce and tomato) - 110
dinner: 1 can progresso light chicken and dumpling soup (scrumptious) - 160 cal
total: 460 but i’m gonna round it up to 500 cuz it feels like i ate more than 460 and im just underestimating
ah shit. today’s intake was too high. so basically my moms flying out again which yay no one watching my cals everyday. but while i was in the car with her she heard my stomach growl and told me to eat a cliff bar so i did to not look sus but cliff bars are like 260 cal?????????? wtf.
breakfast: protein shake w/banana- 200 cal
dinner: 1/2 cup oats w/sf jam- 160 cal
snack: dreaded cliff bar (it was rlly tasty tho; peanut butter flavor) - 260 cal
damn ahha i wanna be back in my honeymoon phase. I fasted 24 hr today and i felt like complete dookie doodoo shit. soooo. all i ate today was soup. been thinking abt doing a banana mono tmrw and seeing where that goes, we have a lot in my house that are gonna go bad soon if nobody eats them bc my mom (primary consumer of bananas) left. and then i might try an apple mono. for some weird fucking reason i keep craving bananas and then i eat them and its not even that good and i still crave them. they just look so perfectly speckled and ripe and delicious. I also am thinking about a cheat day/planned binge/meta day. i know those are all very different terms but they're all similar lmao. part of me is panicking that i have to slow down my weight loss a little so i don't end up being caught, im getting kind of thin. i have naturally rlly high and prominent cheekbones so i look so mf gaunt. i am LOVING the way my bones are showing recently, although i desperately need to shed a little more off my thighs. according to losertown i can be at my UGW by mid april if i eat 600 cal a day. if i stick to my usual avg of 450 ish i can be there around the end of march. I could maintain on 1350 cal. or if i had 1000 a day i could be at my UGW by may. sorry i am rlly number dumping here lmao. point is i can afford to eat a tiny bit more nowadays in effort not to be caught and forced into recovery. might look into high res idkkkkkkk i would feel so invalid tho
banana mono went alr, i don’t feel like anything is different but i do love me some bananas. i had 4. been thinking a lot abt my planned binge/cheat day and i’m rlly excited. it gives me something to look forward to and makes me feel more in control about binging. i do feel rlly invalid bc of it but i’m just gonna try to make it one day where i just enjoy myself. i’m craving cereal, egg sandwich, bagel, and chocolates. might not have all that bc bagels are a huge fear food but we’ll see???
i fucking BINGEDDDDD my ass off today. like, massive fuckijg all day binge. i don’t even wanna think abt what i ate but i’ll list it. i feel so fucking sick this was a bad idea
2 bowls cinnamon toast crunch roll cereal
1 bowl cheerios cereal
1 z bar
2 caramel chocolates
a lot of chocolate covered fruit
half a bagel with cream cheese
2 brownies and ice cream
some cheez it’s and doritos
1 coffee with creamer
1 bowl of veggie beef and rice
a lot of butterscotch chips
1 very large strawberry
1 apple
1 banana
1 big bowl of popcorn
yeah…. it’s a lot.
estimated total: 3700 😬
i feel so fuckijg sick like i’m gonna pass out throw up i’m never doing this again all things should be enjoyed in moderation kms rn 🥰
gonna fast for a while and see if that helps. i look 9 months pregnant i had to shower with the lights off. i did work out but only for like an hour lmao i burned a tiny dent out of that massive binge
i feel so guilty for eating today. fuck. and tommorws valentines day i just rlly hope i dont binge, im so bloated and constipated and theres an odd lump in my upper abdomen, i wish i hadnt eaten sooooo much yesterday from now on if i decide to do a meta day like that i'll be reasonable abt it