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101 - 120 of 180 Posts
Discussion starter · #101 ·
good morniinnngggg im back to 54.4kg. i think for breakfast today ill have a pastry my mum got me yesterday, then for lunch ill have a mango, then dinner will be whatever dinner is... idk yet ! other than all that i dont have much to say whehe
 
Discussion starter · #102 ·
i keep thinking about and wanting to eat but im not THAT hungry. weird as hell and i dont like it !!!

maybe ill cook the last of the chicken i had yesterday, idk if ill add anything to it today though. its so eeeeearly though so ill have to wait
 
Discussion starter · #103 ·
ok so ive cooked up the chicken and some of the leftover rice we had from a couple days ago, now im having it for breakfast. waayyyyy off plan but id rather eat more now than snack a fuckton later and feel horrid
 
Discussion starter · #104 ·
im so in love with how my arm looks when i move all the fat 😭 i so wish it just looked like this all the time but i dont even know what id have to weigh.. also too bad im shit at starving so its never just looked like this anyway. someday !!!
Flash photography Gesture Thigh Knee Elbow
 
Discussion starter · #105 ·
update: my food so far has been exaaaaactly what i said earlier hehe. then also an energy drink. i can tell ive been trying to drink more water the past couple days bc i keep being like...shit you mean i need to pause my entire youtube video and my game and click off my forum just to piss?

anywaaay i found out that letting the moonscraper chart visualiser thing play out is actually a really good visual to stare at while high, i dont know if its the galaxy background or the perpetually moving notes with the music or both or etc. but its awesome. also motivates me to actually make more charts cos then i get to stare at it LOL
 
Discussion starter · #106 ·
okay SO i know i havent posted in like 3 days im sorry 😭

15th was SO fun i love music. my tdee was over 3k, i didnt eat as much as i thought, but i downed like 2 bags of winegums on the train home................skill issue? or last minute adhd lack of impulse control, ey
however..ive also had a doctors appointment in a pretty far away city on the 16th and im fucking wrecked currently

i think the mix of water retention bc of my muscles being in hell and food weight and me being fat means im fucking 56.2kg ish today and immmn^>%&%#<^KL$#KL%<K$# im not happy im Not happy about it. but im trying to think about the 19th cos ive got another gig and then for the foreseeable future im free to starve my arse off quite literally

until then, im just kindaaaaaa eating? i guess? its like intuitive eating but im just trying to have low cal or healthy stuff and not binge or overeat or whatever. im probably at maintenance ish, i just hope it doesnt fuck me up too much. im really not keen on gaining anymore because itll take me longer to get back to where i was. hard goal for february is 51kg still

anywayyyy maybe therell be more stuff in the coming few days, maybe.. time will tell lmao
 
Discussion starter · #107 ·
i dont know WHAT ive had today that disagreed with me this much but ive just been so sick my body made me throw up all the contents of my stomach and now i feel fine... ive been nauseous for forever, i literally already thought about purging to help with it but i guess i ... dont have to do it myself anymore?
ok MASSIVE TMI but i had to throw up into a fucking bowl i had on my nightstand cos i couldnt run to the bathroom 😭 and everything id eaten today fit perfectly somehow so yay starving??? im. wtf do i do now i think im just .. gonna pour it over into a bag and then clean out the bowl... im so sorry to this poor fucking bowl i swear

idk if ill still have dinner, i dont want it to then also make me sick cos the nausea i had was fucking horrible. im having weird shivers too so who knows if ill even feel good enough to go eat idk. i hope this doesnt fucking last til the 19th

this is all very weird. weird post. im confused. please commiserate im having such a confusing time
 
Discussion starter · #108 ·
ended up getting really really sick, like shivering in pain and headachy and muscle cramps sick, didnt eat anything else.. but after 14 hours of sleep i feel a bit better 😭

i literally staggered out of bed to use the bathroom and then get back to my room and weigh myself LMAO even when im physically drained i need to weigh myself i guess. so i was 55.6kg with clothes on, and 54.9-55.0kg with clothes off. i wasnt originally gonna weigh with my clothes off but my weight was so much lower than yesterday even with clothes that i got too curious and tbh im not mad. about 1.2kg down from yesterday ey!

small problem though. i want to eat "normally" still but im genuinely scared itll make me sick again ... bit ironic coming from a bulimic but im just so not keen on throwing up again

like, id usually have fruit or something? but thats what i had before i was sick yesterday so now thats not safe anymore. and other things arent safe either because it either feels like too many cals or im scared itll just upset my stomach or itll be too much and ill be in misery etc etc. i hope this mindset doesnt stay cos i really dont want full on arfid or something. idk, my hungers coming back though so maybe its getting better? ill try to eat later probably


this probably didnt make much sense cos im still quite foggy and tired but thats some morning mikaw stuff hehe
 
Discussion starter · #109 ·
ok so ive eaten a bit of rice, salmon and some vegetables, and so far ive been able to keep it down and feel fine at least physically. this is good
 
Discussion starter · #110 ·
ok soo i fell asleep for FOREVER and now im having chicken soup... hoping i can get to sleep again around 5 and then wake up at 8 so i can be up in time to travel and still have slept a bit. life is good!!

ALSO i feel completely better now pretty much. my legs are still in a bit of hell but the rest of me is completely fine and im so fucking grateful. sign from god for real
 
Discussion starter · #112 ·
oookay so, the past weekish has been so awesome..many gigs, many friends, many good times !! im sad ive gotta starve again cos i was so happy, didnt think about b/ping ONCE. im just trying to convince myself itll be fine and i can drag myself through it, i need to drop mad weight before march cos im meeting up with people maybe..need to drop mad weight in general actually. gah

im back up at 55.4kg again, boohoo i know.. didnt really restrict today even though ive just been home cos im sick as hEEEELL. goal is to be low 54kg or somewhere in 53kg by february, then get to 51kg or lower in feb, maybe 45-50kg ish in march if im really good at not eating. i still dont trust my metabolism so well see WAHAHA, ive put my stats and stuff into a weight loss calculator i really like (justcico.com) and with a limit of 600cal this is how my future might look...this is sedentary too, so if i throw some exercise and some fasting days in there..perfection

Font Screenshot Number Circle Oval


thats about it for todays big big update post !!
 
Discussion starter · #113 ·
ok i swear im gonna start restricting again today FOR REAL THIS TIME. only tea and sugar free sprite and coke zero and an omad until february because ive realised ive lost literally no weight in january and im incredibly guilty
 
Discussion starter · #114 ·
FOOD HOARD IS GOING PLACES AGAIN its gone from almost nonexistent to super beefed up within 2 days
yesterday i spent 8 quid on a bag of candy. maddening.....but i also got some other stuff that was discounted so thats slightly more redeemable. im almost tempted to go back to the shops and get more food but i know once i get into a binge shopping loop i wont be able to stop so im just trying to stick to what ive got now 😭 someday ill have like a magical overseas sugar daddy wholl send me money and ill be able to get so much walnut whip. so many walnut whips? hey google whats the plural of walnut whip..

anywaaay my sleep schedules literally too good for me to bp right now cause i fall asleep between 8-10 at night and then wake up at about that time the next morning sooooo. ... i need to work on staying up later 😭

as for my weight im still 55.4kg please bully me
 
Discussion starter · #115 ·
okay its not time yet but im going fucking mad without bping so im gonna try to have a quiet quick round on some of the candy ive bought. i dont know how easily itll come up or if ill be able to be quiet but fuuuck
 
Discussion starter · #117 ·
ok so i think i did end up succeeding in that quiet sesh, obv its been a while since i did it but it went okayish. now its slowly getting late enough for a "real" b/p !!!!! im not entirely sure about it anymore for some reason buttttttttt its not off the table. i think im just tired lmao
 
Discussion starter · #120 ·
ok so after my bp im 55.1kg, thats down .3kg from this morning!! nice

i just wanna be back below 55kg before february thats all i ask atp. hopefully no bping again until then if i can help it.. i wanna be back to my "perfectly" restrictive february last year where i fasted for 7 days and lost like 5kg in that one week...maaaan. if i pulled that anywhere below 55kg id be below 50kg afterwards hopefully

maybe ill start fasting again, just like 1-3 days here and there to help me along... idk. maybe ill fast every few even numbered days? so from the 4th to the 6th, then i could do the 10th, then the 14th to the 16th and so on.. hm. idk yet but ive been thinking about fasting more anyway and i still really wanna get to/below my lw in february so i might as well have structure to it? maybe. im worried my parents would catch on though so idk.

imagine if i got to 51kg before the 23rd or even the 21st, thats when i was at my lw/when i completed that week fast so i kinda wanna "honour" it... im dead set on it

ACTUALLY IVE GOT A CONCERT ON THE 5TH SO MAYBE NOT BUT ILL FIGURE IT OUT

anyway goodnight its three in the morning i need to go to beddddddddd
 
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