I go into more detail in my accountability, but basically, I got rejected from a great job opportunity and it's starting to sound like it's because of my (relative) young age and gender.
Meanwhile, in my current job they are basically trying to get me to quit by not giving me anything to do and ignoring my existence, after finding out I am applying for other positions (this is because it's an internal vacancy, when I apply my current manager is automatically notified because it's internal).

I feel hurt, angry, disappointed.

And now part of me wants to completely stop eating altogether (hell, I didn't even drink water yet and it's already noon). I know this is super self destructive but it's like revenge to this shit system.
This was my one hope and it was now crushed, after the horrible year I had (dad died, psychosis, a bunch of stuff).

I'm not sure how to see any positives out of this or how to stop the spiral of self destructing....

Any words of advice...? 😔

i don't have advice unfortunately but i just wanted to comment bcz im shocked someone else is like this too, the whole self destruction as revenge thing. It doesn't even make sense rationally but when i get angry i take it out on myself by starving or purging. im not sure how to make this stop tho but ur not alone

 

I react literally the same when I feel disappointed or when I just feel 'guilty' when something doesn't turn out as expected. My AN gets absolutely loud in my head and I have nonstop thoughts of restricting harder, burning more calories etc. I get absolutely self destructive.
That's why on the days when I'm in a better mood I try to harm reduce as much as possible. So it can kind of 'balance out'
My advice would be to just take it slow, do what you can to do harm reduction and do small steps. If you can't have a whole meal, have at least a healthy snack. Drink water in sips if you can't have a lot.
Do you have someone to talk to? Sometimes even writing your thoughts helps a lot. Feel free to message me anytime if you need a chat

 

Same here i just want to show them that it’s not a fucking joke anymore, if i feel like shit and my expressing that pisses them off well then fine
I swear to god they’re gonna find out how I’m not fucking around

 

The better revenge would be to prosper, get a better job and fuck them and you need to at least be functional for that

I've seen you round for a while and you can definitely fuck them off, you've got the fire inside you!!!!

 

Thank you, this was really helpful 🧡

I calmed down a bit after some time, and managed to eat something. Not much but at least I'm not fasting.
I have still one position I can pursue in the next days, so I'm going to try really hard to just focus on that.

 

This happens to me too when I have ppl problems, I'm sorry that I can't help much but maybe make some comforting food that's light, like soup?

 

I know I'm bumping this topic up again, but I just felt I had to give an update:

Today, I was 'ambushed' by management. Basically, with no warning whatsoever, they want to give me a shit performance review, when the whole year they've been telling me how great I'm doing.
I was so shocked and upset and spent the hour trying to defend myself in front of these two deplorable men. My manager and his manager. Theres more to this but I wrote it in my thread.

So I was feeling sick and dizzy all day, only managed to drink a yoghurt 80 kcal, and then have maybe 2 bites of food for dinner, so very little cals and the last hours I've been experiencing my heartrate irregular, with random strength, strong beat, weak beat etc and I feel very weird and dizzy. I'm a nervous wreck. Should I be worried???

Work-wise, I hope these people get bedbugs and consequent insomnia.
I still have another lead and I don't want to give up. But I feel so defeated.

 

This happened to me once, my best friend completely betrayed and cut contact, then 2 months later by bf of 7 years left me. I absolutely wanted to self destruct. What stopped me was thinking to myself, that's what they'd expect me to do. So as a fuck you to everyone, I ate, I drank water, I went to the gym in moderation, I went bacl to college. Did I cry in the bath some nights out of sheer frustarat how fucked up my life was? Absolutely. But I didn't end up back in IP and that was so important to me.

I proved I could survive to spite them.

I hope you can too.