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· League of Legacy
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4 Posts
Hi! I hope this isn't too triggering or anything, but I was wondering how everyone got to the weight they are now/highest weight.

For me, it's basically not knowing about calories (not tracking them, no sense of the amount that is in certain foods) and making a loooot of excuses to just eat whatever I want. For example, when I had a long day at work I would come home and think to myself, it has been a hard day, I deserve to eat some pizza and ice cream. But then, every day there was another excuse. Also I never really focused too much on my weight and try to justify being fat by thinking you don't need to be thin to be pretty. This was all pretty much before my ED started (although I didn't have a great relationship with food to begin with)

Realizing how I got to this place helps me with keeping myself on track, so I'm curious about your stories!

(First topic I made so if this isn't something that should be discussed please let me know)
i am/was an emotional eater with depression and anxiety. for a really long time it was the only thing that gave me comfort when i was any kind of upset. also how people would apologize to me or try to comfort me.
 

· League of Legacy
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14 Posts
I had EDNOS as a teen and then bulimia as a young adult, but I have always went through periods where I would just get so hungry and eat, and binging or restricting has always been my way of dealing with my emotions. I ended up in an incredibly stressful work environment and began eating to stuff my feelings so I wouldn't quit my job. And gained 74 pounds. I have been at the weight I am for several years and now am at a new job with coworkers that are very weight and health focused, and am struggling to learn the job quickly (which is overwhelming) and so here I am back again.
 

· League of Legacy
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125 Posts
I was neglected growing up and got into the habit of eating any food available to me very quickly. That carried on after I got out of that situation. I developed disordered eating and got down to a normal BMI and was on track to being underweight very quickly. Then I got preggers and went into recovery. And now I'm back on my bullshit losing weight again. My HW after birth was 170. down to 137 now, which is like 20Lbs less than my HW before I got pregnant. However, I'm still f-ing huge because I'm 4'11" :')
 

· League of Legacy
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32 Posts
Never overweight, but I gained a massive amount of weight and have troubled not going right back up because I deal with a little bit of derealization where I don't feel connected to my body and like it doesn't matter, one time I had a small psychosis where I went on a binge rampage because I was convinced soon, I would ascend out of this life and this body was temporary.
 

· League of Legacy
Joined
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135 Posts
Bingeing in recovery then going on a diet and yoyoing starving and eating and bingeing thoroughly being stupid and screwing up my metabolism so it’s trained to hoard everything. I now have 50 pounds to lose and it’s probably never coming off. Recovery is fake and it’s never worked for me. I probably would’ve ended up less fat if I consistently ate a normal amount of food last year and never dieted but some foresight I have. I lost my mind.
 

· League of Legacy
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2 Posts
I'm a recovering alcoholic, so all the binge drinking over the past few years added nearly 1000 calories a day into me. And my partner and I would order take out frequently because we'd be so tired from work or lazy from the drinking. I'd cook good and healthy meals when I cooked and had an active job, but overall my diet was just trash, I didn't exercise, and I gained like 65 pounds over four years.
 

· League of Legacy
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2,659 Posts
Literally my ed and alcoholism. I “recovered” (which was just bingeing in disguise) and started drinking a ton, like getting drunk every day. Ordering food to my house almost every day because I was too ashamed to leave the house, plus being completely sedentary for 1-2 years. Mental health being in the garbage also contributed.
 

· League of Legacy
Joined
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135 Posts
Literally my ed and alcoholism. I “recovered” (which was just bingeing in disguise) and started drinking a ton, like getting drunk every day. Ordering food to my house almost every day because I was too ashamed to leave the house, plus being completely sedentary for 1-2 years. Mental health being in the garbage also contributed.
Bingeing was my fake recovery too. I don’t know if anyone ever truly recovers. Maybe like 2% of people. Either people who just stay relatively small or people who just accept being large is my experience. I was sedentary all last year too and my muscle mass won’t grow back now which just makes me even more upset at myself. And yep gutter mental health for me too. I came home from recovery and was like wow I literally lost my job my career my house my body and everything and just slept and cried all day.
 

· League of Legacy
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7 Posts
I was overweight for a couple of years when I was homeschooled and up until I finished high school (which is older than most people, I completed my hs diploma at 20). I was extremely depressed. I stayed at home all day. I had very few friends. I spent my entire days on the computer. I literally ate anything I wanted, whenever I wanted. Thinking back on it, it was probably BED. I'd have as many snacks as I wanted, chocolate, cookies, cakes, potato chips, most of my meals revolved around pasta and cheese, instant noodles, I was having a shitton of bread, very few veggies, etc... literally everything I always wanted to have when I was younger but that my parents would only let me have from time to time. It was now all at my disposal!
Incidentally, like many others here, this happened after I had learned to restrict and exercise in order to control my weight in hs and had dropped to my lowest weight at the time. I didn't think I was recovering from that or anything. I was just... too depressed to care.
I tried losing weight a few times to no avail. And one day I stepped on the scale and the number was 80kg and that was it for me lol. Something clicked in my head and the next day I was eating salads and going for a run. Every single day until I dropped to a weight that was in the "normal" BMI range (80kg was 28 BMI for my size). It was a slow process, I'd say it took about 2 years or so to finally reach the weight I used to have before (56-60kg). Even though I've had binging phases again these past few years, it never got as extreme as that time in my life when my weight skyrocketed, which I am thankful for. I feel like it just makes it even more obvious that I was extremely depressed and didn't give a fuck about nutrition and my health back then.
 

· League of Legacy
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652 Posts
Attempting recovery with no sort of support meant I was never able to get to a point of comfort with food that I could think about it enough to learn to cook or eat healthy, so I just ate and ate junk and tried not to think about it.
 

· League of Legacy
Joined
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373 Posts
Literally my ed and alcoholism. I “recovered” (which was just bingeing in disguise) and started drinking a ton, like getting drunk every day. Ordering food to my house almost every day because I was too ashamed to leave the house, plus being completely sedentary for 1-2 years. Mental health being in the garbage also contributed.
Same , but like 10 years. Stop if you can because now I have liver fibrosis probably cirrhosis.
 

· Long live the black parade 🖤
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16,547 Posts
Eating too much and being a lazy pos. But on the other hand I do have a chronic illness that can leave me bedbound.
 

· League of Legacy
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135 Posts
Eating too much and being a lazy pos. But on the other hand I do have a chronic illness that can leave me bedbound.
I’m sorry. I used to have Lyme disease so I kinda understand. Depression kept me bedbound last year which doesn’t really count, that was my own doing.
 

· League of Legacy
🐉She/They EDNOS/OSFED 🐉
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3,952 Posts
The first time, not understanding calories and never having a truely healthy relationship with food. I always craved the feeling of being full.

The second time, I tried to recover. I was in the 120's and I wanted to just maintain. But I binged and binged and binge without doing anything to off set the consumption. So I ballooned. Every ounce I lost plus more gained back
 
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