[exacerbatinged]

Definitely booze. Can’t shake the shit and I drink all my calories.


Sent from the depths of hell using Tapatalk

 

[Smotheredhope]

I was born fat lol I was a 10lb baby then I was so cute they would feed me everything I wanted. My whole life since day 1 was like a snow ball effect. The only time I was at healthy or normal weight was when I was in kinder. Ive never really experienced the feeling of being a thin person. Then when I reached adolescence my ed started and it was just up and down from there. Even at my normal weight of about 120lb at 18 I felt really fat still so I feel like it doesn't count. Now in my late 20s im trying to lose weight again and be skinny at last for once.

 

[DarkFaerieQueen]

I had 3 kids in 4 years, lol. My youngest is 3 now and my brain just snapped one day this past Feb and decided that we are totally done with recovery because we are now a giant land whale. 🥲

 

[FatWhiteLump]

I've been fat since I was a toddler, so I guess it's just a way of life at this point. But there are several things I've always struggled with:

Portions too big and eating too frequently
Emotional eating
Eating as the answer to everything (tired, hungover, stoned, celebration)
Enjoying unhealthy/calorie dense foods and being a picky eater
BED
Not having a real desire to be a healthy weight for most of my life

But I maintained around 200 lbs for most of my teenage+adult life. I think probably got up to about 220-230 but then lost it just by working a lot, being active, some depression, normal stuff. My LW was 198, and I went from smoking two packs of cigarettes a day and being a dancer+bartender to doing absolutely nothing. I moved to a major city right before the pandemic hit, and I got stuck living with a nightmare roommate. Long story short, I sat in one spot on my bed 24/7 and ate only chips, Little Debbie snacks, hot pockets, and Little Caesars pizza. I gained 70 lbs in like 6 months. Then after that my BED has flaired up bad again the last couple years, and I've been going through binge and restrict cycles but I haven't gotten down past like 240 again.

 

[subtle]

My mum was anorexic and poor so we never really had food in the house, so whenever there was any food I’d stuff my face and over eat.
Told myself I’d never be like her so I ate my emotions, and rewarded myself with food.
Think I’m addicted to food- so I decided like with any other addiction to go cold turkey with it… and now we’re here.

 

[skinny-please776]

i tried to recover from anorexia, ended up with bulimia. Gained 40lbs bingeing and purging. Then go really unwell w other mental health stuff and was put in secure psych and i was being injected w sedatives and antipsychotics 4 times a day. Basically was asleep or b/ping. It creeps up on you. And its heartbreaking bc i was never overweight b4 my ed.

 

[Lorra_J]

I feel like it's more complicated than this but basically I have alot of mommy issues. She was morbidly obese her entire life and wouldn't know health if it hit her in the face. She was also neglectful so when I had the option to eat, I ate how much I wanted of whatever I wanted. I also have an intense fear of becoming my mother so ED is a way for me to control that.

 

[workingonit123]

The reason I am currently fat is because I went through a really bad breakup got depressed and quit doing all the things that I worked so hard to do. Now I am suffering for it.

 

[emil]

I had no self control and wasn't properly taught about how to eat healthy without over restricting. When I first tried dieting in the 6th grade, I restricted to 1k cals, not because I wanted to but because I didn't know any better. I just ate very little and lost weight and thought I was doing good. Then I started binging from not eating enough and that combined with the SA I experienced resulted in it spiraling out of control. It got to its worst when I got out of high school, as I was cheated on in my first relationship and I thought I was not worthy of life. I am working on fixing my perspective for these issues, but it is a very slow and hard process.

 

[emaciatedabi]

Binge eating disorder. I started binging to cope with being bullied in school, and didn't stop even after the bullying ended. I ended up at bmi 37 at age 15, shortly before the beginning of my restrictive ed.

 

[Vanille-Rose]

Trigger Warning - sensitive topics, cult - PLEASE DON'T QUOTE ME.

Spoiler

I have severe trauma. I ended up in a cult when I was twenty years old, which advocated dark occultism. They were really crazy people. When I was there, I ate as little as possible, restricted myself as much as possible, so that I would be touched as little as possible.

When I got out four years later, I never wanted to be thin again. I had associated thinness with extreme abuse. Being fat became a way for me to protect myself from potential abusers, simply because I was physically able to defend myself against them with my obesity. I was no longer a fragile little thing

The problem was that when I tried to file a complaint, I was told that I was too fat for it to have happened to me. Yes.

 

[emma2151]

i was always a picky eater growing up, then i got out of my parents' house and started rediscovering food. i felt forced to eat as much and as often as other people even though i couldn't move and walk around as much. i ended up eating 2 big meals per day + many unhealthy "snacks" (stress eating), no activity because of my current studies so i gained 10kg/22lbs in 5months maybe less from sep. 2021 to dec. 2021/jan. 2021

 

[Mintie]

I’ve always been overweight, but I gained a significant amount of weight in the past 2 years because of cheese and iced coffee. I honestly never realized how calorie dense cheese is, and I was putting a ton of it on everything. It really adds up
As far as the iced coffee, I didn’t realize for the longest time that my regular store bought cold brew already had sugar in it and was 60 calories in a cup. I was adding sugary creamer to it and drinking multiple glasses a day. So between that, cheese, and my tendency to binge I got so fat so quickly. It’s really embarrassing to think about
I’ve lost over 70lbs since May and still feel like I can’t be proud of my weight loss because I’m still fat and have a lot of shame tied to my weight gain

 

[Ladybug384]

My initial large weight gain was becuase of treatment and weight resorstion. It was so difficult to gain that much weight that quickly.
I started losing again, then went back to treatment.
Recently, I've been trying intuitive eating but maybe used that as an excuse to eat sweets too much and ended up eating past fullness too much. I still believe intuitive eating is a really postive thing though. I know recovery is the right thing in my head but I hate this weight so much and am falling to old patterns and behaviors to lose it again.

 

[Solarian]

My mom is disordered. She’s never recovered to this day and she passed her habits along to us. Ironically though because she always was so hellbent on making sure we weren’t restricting or purging, she kind of encouraged the opposite, so binging was totally acceptable and counting calories/exercising was questioned because in her head, the only reason why we would be doing anything like that would be because we are trying to develop an ED

 

[emaciatedabi]

developed bed to cope with depression from bullying in middle school and it got me to bmi 37 at age 15

 

[iwillbebony]

“Recovering”for the 2nd time in my life (trading anorexia for BED), after a year I stopped bingeing but damage was already done. I gained like 65lbs in a year. Then after that emotional eating, thinking “I deserve a treat” or stuff like that and also by becoming sedentary after recovery (i used to do gym, boxing, power yoga, etc to no physical activity at all), AND i have a suspicion that my Aripiprazole also made me hungrier.

 

[transcendentalism]

when i started dating my ex-wife, she told me she'd never speak to me again if she found out i purged. but she saw nothing wrong with binging, so i got to keep binging but was too scared to purge (usually). that's not me trying to put the blame on anyone else though, obviously it was my fat ass that chose to keep binging.

 

[dunnywabbit]

I moved from China to the US and started a highly stressful teaching job. Going from eating better quality foods and walking everywhere to driving every day and eating processed junk on top of teaching middle school art made me balloon. Fortunately, I have a good support system and have been able to maintain between 255 lbs and 265 lbs for the past two years.

 

[painted.reign]

Spoiler: TLDR; restriction triggers binges and deep depression for me unless i am in the BEST headspace. which is impossible long term. So fuck me i guess

I spent most of my childhood-teens restricting heavily and majorly obsessing over food/diet/body etc etc. Then I had a really rough year. Tried to get into modelling, was assaulted by a photographer after getting to my lowest weight I had been in a while, and then had a relationship end that had been rocky from the beginning but he was a lot thinner than me and I was starving myself so that I was 'worthy'. Basically all my 'rewards' for getting thin ended up being complete dogshit and all I was left with was ptsd and a completely wasted decade where I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life or even who I was because I had spent so much time thinking about getting thin.

So I made a conscious choice to stop restricting so that I could do other things, and try to change my entire life all at once.. ofc it doesn't really work like that, i gained weight FAST and i was already being self destructive but now instead of restricting because it was and is a raw type of pain, i binged.

Which i guess feels like control to me. It feels like a massive 'fuck you' to all those people who instilled or encouraged this mental stupidity in my head and i get to eat the things i want and feel rebellious and its completely my choice. Kindof. Its like an itch I have to scratch. And it obliterates all thoughts. But with that, depression. And with that, more self medicating with food. And with weight gain, extreme anxiety and agoraphobia. And with that, less movement and exercise and much faster weight gain.

And so now here I am, at 31, still trying to lose weight. And just trying to navigate my brain. I still want to be thin. I crave it. Omg so much. But the process is so triggering I have to try go from a positive angle.. but I can't really get away from it and I still don't know how to deal without eating food.

TLDR; restriction triggers binges and deep depression for me unless i am in the BEST headspace. which is impossible long term. So fuck me i guess