All I want right now is to never eat again because everything sucks. I feel like I have no control over my life and I’m an adult. When I was younger I saw adults with freedom, having fun with friends, living on their own, going places, travelling, having more say in what they eat and when they eat, driving, partying, the ability to stay up late.
I have none of that. If I don’t go to bed early af I literally don’t wake up no matter what I do. My parents make sure I eat, I can’t drive, I’m on disability because I can’t work, my friends leave me out of everything, I live at home, I have to tell everyone when I leave the home, I don’t go anywhere because public transportation is unsafe in my city, I just feel like I’m so behind because I’m deemed “not stable enough” to do anything on my own. My psychiatrist doesn’t even let me not tell my mom practically everything we discussed because she thinks I won’t listen to anything she says. I feel like everything in my life has always been dictated by everyone else and it’s still the same. I’m traumatized from ip, no one seems to understand my needs in my daily life, and I can’t even be a normal human.
every time I get overwhelming anxiety over feeling like I’m behind and nothing is in my control, I just want to avoid food forever. I guess it’s also I response to anxiety over anything too. I just want to stop eating at all. I know that’s not smart which is probably why I mainly do low res and omad. I avoid food as much as I can every day. I just hate food so much right now it ruins everything for me. I feel like life would be so much better if food wasn’t something people wanted me to eat. I literally feel the desire to restrict even harder in my physical heart. It hurts.
I just hate that I can’t seem to do anything right and everyone I know from treatment and psych wards has moved on and gotten better and I’m stuck. I never seemed to get better. All the people who avoid me now from high school are working cool jobs and “adult jobs” and they live on their own and travel and party and hang out with each other and I feel like I do nothing. Why don’t I get to hang out with people? Why don’t I get to do these things? Why am I stuck?
I don’t even know why my response to “why am I stuck?” Is something that would make me more stuck, it just seems to fix the anxiety and gives me something that was taken from me and comfort and a sense of safety. I don’t even understand why restriction even makes me feel good and why weight loss makes me feel like I’m finally doing something right.
I need maybe input? From an outside pov? I don’t know what I need anymore. Besides maybe less food.
I have none of that. If I don’t go to bed early af I literally don’t wake up no matter what I do. My parents make sure I eat, I can’t drive, I’m on disability because I can’t work, my friends leave me out of everything, I live at home, I have to tell everyone when I leave the home, I don’t go anywhere because public transportation is unsafe in my city, I just feel like I’m so behind because I’m deemed “not stable enough” to do anything on my own. My psychiatrist doesn’t even let me not tell my mom practically everything we discussed because she thinks I won’t listen to anything she says. I feel like everything in my life has always been dictated by everyone else and it’s still the same. I’m traumatized from ip, no one seems to understand my needs in my daily life, and I can’t even be a normal human.
every time I get overwhelming anxiety over feeling like I’m behind and nothing is in my control, I just want to avoid food forever. I guess it’s also I response to anxiety over anything too. I just want to stop eating at all. I know that’s not smart which is probably why I mainly do low res and omad. I avoid food as much as I can every day. I just hate food so much right now it ruins everything for me. I feel like life would be so much better if food wasn’t something people wanted me to eat. I literally feel the desire to restrict even harder in my physical heart. It hurts.
I just hate that I can’t seem to do anything right and everyone I know from treatment and psych wards has moved on and gotten better and I’m stuck. I never seemed to get better. All the people who avoid me now from high school are working cool jobs and “adult jobs” and they live on their own and travel and party and hang out with each other and I feel like I do nothing. Why don’t I get to hang out with people? Why don’t I get to do these things? Why am I stuck?
I don’t even know why my response to “why am I stuck?” Is something that would make me more stuck, it just seems to fix the anxiety and gives me something that was taken from me and comfort and a sense of safety. I don’t even understand why restriction even makes me feel good and why weight loss makes me feel like I’m finally doing something right.
I need maybe input? From an outside pov? I don’t know what I need anymore. Besides maybe less food.
