I don't even have sexy curves. Just fat in all the wrong places.

 

I like. . . mini-curves. tiny little ones so you look fit, and not so. . . gaunt.

what I hate, though, is being sexualized.

 

I don't relate exactly- but I can say that I goddamn hate boobs and butts like EWW that's disgusting and even my periods- they're not heavy, not painful at all but the blood looks and smells terrible. I hate how my boobs jiggle every time I make a goddamn step. And how my butt makes the top of my thighs goddamn fatter. But I wouldn't like to have a male body type because I'd like to be curve-less, but with a toned and thin waist which men do not possess

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I don’t mind my hips all that much, but man, fuck boobs. They are so annoying to have and I can’t jog at a BMI above 19.5 without slapping myself in the face with them.

 

Thankfully, I've never had cures before. If I ever develop curves, which I won't, I'll kill myself the moment they appear.

 

I hate that I get called curvy and thick honestly my thighs are way to big and my butt too. I d rather have less curves but not completely straight. I don't think I really could since I have a wider frame. I definitely hate my boobs and while everyone seems to be getting boob jobs I'm like just take mine I wish they were like double A or something so I don't have to wear a bra ever

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HELLL YEAH. I hate my fat boobs that people constantly tell me about. I hate my disgusting ass that guys stare at. I hate my period, it makes me feel disgusting. I hate all of it. I can hardly stand to look at myself in the shower. My boobs are so gross to me. I try not to cry every time I look at them. I try not to cry in the dressing room because I look like I have implants, my boobs are that big. I feel huge. I feel disgusting. I hate being looked at as a thick curvy woman. Just wait till I'm skinny as shit. Goddammit, today was just a shit day. I looked at the mirror in the dressing room, trying to be excited for the first day of school but nothing was cute on me. Nothing was cute on my body because I'm not dainty. I have huge boobs. Therefore I can't wear all the cute stuff that the other girls can pull off. I just ended up getting a shirt that said "a real woman has curves (crossed out) is skinny (crossed out) wears makeup (crossed out) is whatever she wants to be" because everything looked too cute for me. I felt like I was so fat I didn't deserve to wear all the cute clothes. So I just got that and pretended to be so excited. But in reality I was thinking about what everyone else was going to think of me tomorrow at school. These people are going to look at me and see a fat girl that is into fat acceptance. That is a slut (because her boobs are so big). And I hate it. I hate this body I'm in. People tell me "the guys will love it". I DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT THE GUYS WILL LOVE. I DON'T LOVE IT THEREFORE I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS. Okay, this just turned into a whole rant. Lemme sit the fuck down before I end up purging and getting dry socket.

 

Im in the same boat... I hate having this rectangle shaped male body... I hate having a wide back and large ribcage...I always wanted to have the hour-glass body type and not this shit.

 

I hate being hourglass figured, i wish i didn’t have breasts or hips, or fat that collects on my thighs and boobs. having my period is the worst thing ever. No, i’m not trans or non-binary, we can hate our physical self without thinking we’re a different sex or wanting to be a different sex.

 

Yeah I’m pretty similar. I’m not trans or against being the biological sex of female but I hate curves and the feminine shape too. I have a 34c but it looks huge on me because of my back/frame size and I hate it. Smaller boobs and smaller hips and I’m happy.

 

I used to think I was trans because of how much I hate my (post puberty) body. I’m not even that curvy or have huge breasts, but I hate how thick my thighs are and how fat was redistributed throughout my body after puberty. I also feel the urge to bind sometimes. I just want to have a skinny, androgynous/boyish body.

 

Definitely. I want my body to be flat all over and as childlike as possible.

 

Yes. I reject everything to do with a woman's "role"--periods, boobs, babies (uggggh), sexual attention. I want to be sexless and flat everywhere.

And when doctors told me "you'll never have bayyyybeeez" I just starved more.

4 periods my entire life and now I'm in menopause, so fuck you, womanhood.

 

Yep, I absolutely hate my curves, especially my boobs. I’m probably less than a BMI of 17 at this point, but I still wear a 28DD/ 32D. I’d do basically anything to have a flat chest, but even at my LW, it’s just not in the cards. ( My only recommendation for those in the same situation is to get a good minimizer bra & to wear fun scarves with tight tops. It’s hard though... I doubt that I will ever feel comfortable with being curvy. I’m asexual af, and even though I’m not trans by any means, I deeply sympathize with their plight of being born into physical forms so radically disconnected from and at odds with their perception of the themselves. I’m sure there is a lot of deeper stuff to it than that surface aspect, just as I know that there’s a lot more to it with myself. I guess that for me, it comes down to wanting to look like a child; even as I pursue lofty academic aspirations, I know that I’m extremely emotionally immature, and a big part of my eating disorder that I’ve had since childhood stems from a lifelong fear of change & growing up & sexuality.

 

Honestly I just wanna be a whole damn spaghetti.

 

Honestly I just wanna be a whole damn spaghetti.

HELL YEAH!! I am SO WITH YOU ON THAT!!

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I relate quite a bit. I'm a cisgender female but I like looking androgenous. I no longer resent my periods (menstrual cups really helped me with that). But I absolutely did in my teens and well into my 20s, and part of me still welcomes it when I get amenorrhea. My bust is also very small (like, a AAA cup last time I got a fitting). Currently there's only 4cm difference between my bust and underbust measurements! But, as I don't intend to have kids and have never really seen my own breasts as sexual in any way, they just seem pointless and a bit of an inconvenience. I'd much, much rather being completely flat chested. If a double mastectomy wasn't such a brutal procedure, I'd probably want one! So I generally wear yoga style sports bras to flatten them (thank you Lululemon for your smallest sizes!)

 

it's weird, i do love having curves. i just wish my body was smaller altogether, so i'd have less curves. my chest is huge and my waist is small, but i have nothing going on in the butt compartment and my thighs are huge in comparison, so it gives me the illusion of curves. i'd also be fine with just being a straight up and down toothpick.

 

I'd be soooo freakin happy if half the fat on ny thighs,butt and hips just disappeared. Since primary school I've had squishy thunder thighs, which are the first o gain and the last to lose weight. Being flat and bony... I'd love that

 

Hate curves on myself. I want to look as androgynous and boyish as possible.

 

yes, one of the reasons i want to be underweight again is to even out my big boobs/curves. im 5’2 and a size D and they just make me look so fat, I like having a small waist and wide hips but I wish I was flat chested so bad. I love the chic look and Im terrified Ill never get it cos of my boobs. So i feel like i have to over compensate by being 90 lbs or less, and I will wear a binder once I reach UGW for certain clothes/occassions

 

I always wonder if I would still have an ED if I didnt get big boobs from a young age before everyone else, that was when my obsession with being small began

 

Holy shit you just described EXACTLY how I feel. I couldn't agree more.

I can't deal with it. I hate hate HATE having a female body. I probably will never recover bc of this.

Ps. Would you mind if I screenshot this and show it to my therapist? She's really curious why I hate having my periods, I haven't been able to explain it really, and you just described it perfectly. I won't if you're not okay with it xx

 

It's always seemed to me like a common cause of eating disorders in women is a rejection of "womanhood", either because of a sexual assualt and the subsequent desire to be unappealing sexually to your abuser, or a strong dislike of how women are expected to act and the roles they're expected to take on in society.
Personally I do feel like my ED stems partially from my disgust with pregnancy and babies and a desire to never ever ever become a housewife.
Edit: Obvi there are other reasons women with eating disorders might want to not be feminine, just some musings/generalizations based on what I've observed.

Do you know why you are disgusted by pregnancy and babies? And the idea of being a housewife?

I am too honestly, and can not answer this question. I wonder sometimes why.

I was raised where I saw my mom go through so much judgement for being female and getting ordered around, acting like a servant in their marriage. the religion I grew up in believes certain sexist beliefs that makes it "normal." Not all religions or beliefs are like this yet how I grew up it was like this. </3 I always associate being female with punishment which I'm trying to find a way around since this is just who I am.

 

If you want to not have your period and also try and maintain a healthier weight have you tried birth control? I remember when I was on the shot (Depovera) my period pretty much went away with the exception of a tiny amount of spotting.

I have tried this for a while and I need to get another GYN opinion due to some health problems. I can't take birth control anymore I got so sick on birth control, so I'm trying to find other options yet need the right dr.