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Discussion starter · #62 ·
february needs to be my month!!!!!!
i really want to be consistent.
to look back on january, (ugh) i lost 0lbs!!!!! wow!!!!!
(i lost 4lbs and then gained them right back up again!!!!!!) yeah well fml
last time i weighed i was 124, let’s just hope i’m no more than that i can’t even deal.
apparently i’m shit at this so let’s not be that ambitious. this month i literally just wanna get below 120. could have so easily been there already omg i’m so annoyed. so yeah just let’s loose 5 pounds this month. that actually hurts to say, i literally lost 9lbs in a month once and now i can’t loose a single pound??? like are you serious????
all i want to do is stay in a deficit this whole month. for the first half of january i was freaked to eat over 600 calories so then the second half was a mess. that’s my whole problem, whenever i properly restrict for a while i get so scared to eat even a little more so then it inevitably leads to overeating. in reality, all that matters is that i stay under my maintenance, which is around 1600 (i’m short and lazy).
obviously i need to have days where i actually restrict but my point is it’s not the end of the world if i eat like 1400 one day and it doesn’t mean that i’ve ruined everything (cuz then i get into that ‘well i might as well keep eating anyway’ mindset.)
anyway that’s my pep talk to my for today
 
Discussion starter · #63 ·
intake: 1050
i kinda just hate everything at the moment. don’t really have much to say. i’m really lonely and hate my body. the usual. i feel so bloated right now. i haven’t sh in a week or so but i’m having such bad thoughts about it to do it worse idk. i just can’t do anything.
 
Discussion starter · #65 ·
intake: 1350
i’m feeling so anxious right now, might go for a walk or something. it’s fully just because of food, all day i’ve been so stressed over what to eat like why am i like this. i’ve really noticed the range of foods i eat have gotten a lot smaller again over the past two months or so. i’m so bad at deciding what to eat.
i’m just gonna try have a relaxing evening, maybe go for a walk or read or something. i honestly have a feeling i’m not actually gonna want to eat tomorrow anxiety wise but then again we’ve heard that sort of thing before. but the thought of like deciding is really stressing me out, like i’m trying to to think okay what am i gonna eat tomorrow and i just can’t even think about it. half the time i can’t figure what to eat and have zero appetite and then the other half i’m eating stuff impulsively. i really can’t live like this for the rest of my life it’s so shit.
 
Discussion starter · #67 ·
cw: 123
intake: 2000
i ate out today so i’m estimating, idk. there’s no way i won’t gain from the past 2 days.
new week, i should really take this chance to get back on track. i have to. i really want to. if i really do than i’ll do it.
i have been exercising and working out more so that’s good i guess.
okay i can do this.
 
Discussion starter · #74 ·
intake: 1700
why can’t i just get a grip???? i keep doing the classic not eat much until like 5 o clock and then snacking and having dinner. so fed up and i just feel bloated all the time. every week i’m like ‘this is the week’ why can’t i just get back on track. literally just want to be eating under 1000 like please. i think i really should fast, it would give me a kickstart. i’m afraid to even say that i’ll do it though because i just don’t trust myself. if i fast it’ll be saturday. i feel like i’ve tried to get myself to high restrict, low restrict, eat 3 meals all that and nothing has worked so i probably should fast. it’s so difficult when you’re watched though. i wish i lived alone so i couldn’t have all the food in the house.
i need to be strict with myself i really haven’t fully tried 100% and i know it.
i know i’ve said it a million times but tomorrow i’m am really going to get back on.
i’ll aim for less than 800 calories because i feel like that’s the most realistic.
then saturday i will try my best to fast, if i am forced to eat it will be minimal. i think i just have to bite the bullet and do it to prove to myself that i can.
then 800 calories again on sunday.

3 days. i can do this. i’m fed up of eating and feeling like this i just have to do it.
 
Discussion starter · #75 ·
okay, i took a break. i really, really needed to get off this site for a bit, i was getting really down and having really bad sh urges and just not doing well. it’s been 10 days since i’ve been on. i haven’t been restricting or really trying to. i’ve been eating around maintenance everyday. i technically still haven’t binged all off 2023 (despite there being a few days of overeating, for sure.) last time i weighted myself i was 123lbs but that was a bit ago i guess.
my only goal right now is to eat under 1200 calories. i just want the deficit. we’ll see about restricting, but i know realistically i should for once try to get my calories down slowly. i ALWAYS jump in and that never ever works.
that’s all i’ve got to say anyway. i’m feeling really motivated and ready to get back to this, no doubts. let’s make it through this week, 1200 everyday.
 
Discussion starter · #76 ·
intake: 1300
okay well it didn’t go perfectly, but i’m still proud of myself because it’s a deficit. i’m gonna go for a walk now. i’ve really been trying not to look at my body lately because i just have to keep it together, like i can’t function if i’m hyper aware of it all the time. i feel like i’m going on the right track anyway. i think i’m gonna eat breakfast tomorrow, even though it scares me, because i’ve been stuck in that pattern of eating loads in the evening for years. even just something small, like a small bowl of cereal. and it would be nice to not be sat in class with my tummy rumbling omfg it’s so embarrassing!! so yeah that’s where we’re at.
 
Discussion starter · #77 ·
intake: 1500
ugh. not great. it’s just under my maintenance calories, but still. thankfully i did exercise today though so i should have burned some off. i blame pancake tuesday, i had one with nutella. i’m proud of myself for not gorging on loads though. i’m feeling quite good today, stressed about school, the usual, but trying to keep things together. i do have an overwhelming urge to restrict tomorrow, even though i don’t actually want to, because it literally just leads to overeating in the long run. i really want to try high res for once (not that today really qualifies ugh)
i really really need to get more hobbies in my life because i do literally nothing. school, sometimes go out with friends, but that is it. i’ve been wanting to start running forever but i’m way to scared of people judging me. i just miss being fit, i quite my sport like 3 years ago now. i used to be a decent runner but now i can just tell i’ve lost it. anyways. we’ll see how tomorrow goes.
 
Discussion starter · #78 ·
intake: 1200
i feel so sick right now. really lost my appetite this evening. i’m just about to get my period so maybe that’s why i’m feeling terrible. it feels awfully like low blood sugar but i swear my body is actually pathetic if i have low blood sugar when i’ve barely even been in a deficit. happy about my intake anyway.
 
Discussion starter · #80 ·
intake: 900
this is so weird. like i’m actually laughing at it. this has got to be the first time in years where i’m not craving and thinking about food 24/7. like i just ate two slices of toast and had to stop every bite because of how nauseous i feel. and also I’m even feeling grateful i could eat more today because it’ll give me more energy and i’ll get better faster. i’m considering weighing myself because i do think i’ve lost weight. but i also don’t want to because i know if i weigh myself and i have lost then i’m gonna be so scared to eat again and it will lead to the whole low res for a week then overeat situation sooo. maybe i’ll leave it. i might be back up towards 1200cals for tomorrow. goal for tomorrow is to get out of bed and like catch up on everything.
 
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