omggg i’m so mad at myself rn.
okay a little introduction: i’ve had an ed for years but i would say it didn’t get really bad until about a year and a half ago. feel pretty invalid because my lw wasn’t even very low, 95 lbs( bmi of 17ish) aaaaand this year i balloon up to a bmi of 22.6
what is extremely frustrating is the fact that last week i lost 4 pounds in 6 days (127-123) and then i binged. and then today, i binged again. i just can’t get it right anymore. i’ve been trying to restrict this entire year but binging has just been in complete control. it’s so, so frustrating. i wanted to get to 120 by christmas and i actually would have done if only i didn’t binge. anyway look just gotta move past it. i’m not gonna weigh myself until christmas day because i am wayyyy too scared to see the number until then. so hoping to be back at 123 for christmas. terrified for christmas ugh.
i’m hoping that by recording everything here everyday maybe I’ll stick at this for once. so yeah basically this will just be my daily intake plus whatever else i’m thinking about. i typically do lowish restriction, like anywhere from 400-800, with higher days here and there. my ugw has always been 90 but i can’t think that far ahead for now. need to get down to at least 110, even if i stay there for a while i’ll be happier.
i’ll update tomorrow!!
okay a little introduction: i’ve had an ed for years but i would say it didn’t get really bad until about a year and a half ago. feel pretty invalid because my lw wasn’t even very low, 95 lbs( bmi of 17ish) aaaaand this year i balloon up to a bmi of 22.6
what is extremely frustrating is the fact that last week i lost 4 pounds in 6 days (127-123) and then i binged. and then today, i binged again. i just can’t get it right anymore. i’ve been trying to restrict this entire year but binging has just been in complete control. it’s so, so frustrating. i wanted to get to 120 by christmas and i actually would have done if only i didn’t binge. anyway look just gotta move past it. i’m not gonna weigh myself until christmas day because i am wayyyy too scared to see the number until then. so hoping to be back at 123 for christmas. terrified for christmas ugh.
i’m hoping that by recording everything here everyday maybe I’ll stick at this for once. so yeah basically this will just be my daily intake plus whatever else i’m thinking about. i typically do lowish restriction, like anywhere from 400-800, with higher days here and there. my ugw has always been 90 but i can’t think that far ahead for now. need to get down to at least 110, even if i stay there for a while i’ll be happier.
i’ll update tomorrow!!