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Discussion starter · #61 ·
7:39am. i bought coffee and clif bars. i made a shake to take with me in a thermos. it's not too cold out. i have seinfeld playing in my browser, i'm having a small cup before i leave. it's not too cold out. i'll take the electric bikes there, 10 minutes, and in emergency it's 20 minutes roundtrip home and back to the library. by the end of the day this paper i will finish this paper.
 
Discussion starter · #62 ·
5:11pm. ok, so. i mean i didn't "finish this paper." but i got a good amount of work done. at first the credentials didn't work and i was panicky and having little tantrums and tried to give a random student $20 for his login info, and then i started working on the public computers, poutily copy-pasting the relevant sources onto what i will finally be my final bibliograph. bye to the dozen foucault references i will not be referencing at all. etc. then my brother woke up, changed the 5 to a 9, and the doors opened wide and i was having a little musical number in the library. the library is never crowded now, i think, and empty in the morning, because the online class proportion has gotten higher. i would like to: finish section 1 AND 3 tomorrow; finish section 2 the next day or two. the next day work on intro and conclusion (or combine those with section 2 day 2), then take a day off from the writing and go over my bibliography again. then a final day or two to read and edit. that would be 4-7 days? library closed saturday. anyway. it felt good. my brain doesn't work well, but i did what i could.
 
Discussion starter · #63 ·
7:30am i feel happy. maybe the first time since the crash--was that last week? where the weed ran out, my sleep was bad, quality and quantity, and the depression returned with a few choice words, you know the ones.. last night i let myself keep making popcorn and oatmeal. when the pam ran out i massaged the popcorn with an oily hand. i watched the time run into the night, and let myself go to sleep when i wanted to. the lighter stopped working so i had to stop smoking weed at some point. i bought a six dollar torch when i'm the type who needs three cheap alternates. i don't feel like making a shake to bring in to the library. maybe i should, but i can also just bike back here, or get something local. at least today i don't feel like a rat, brain scouring to get me to constantly eat, as i had been. i let myself "binge," i tried little techniques to reduce the calorie count and have a satisfactory experience, and i feel... better now. never want to get too confident. i haven't thrown out the popcorn bag or the oatmeal. they are waiting for me to decide what to do with them. i would like to have the popcorn for guests, oatmeal too. i would like to not have to be afraid of having food in my pantry. wouldn't that be ne nice. j likes oatmeal, and i've asked him to eat vegan from now on in my house (his chicken breast and fish sticks are still in my fridge though). a tinder girl unmatched me after i left her on read for a couple days. it had to happen at some point but i'm still a little torn up. i think things like--maybe she saw me when i was all panicked and pouty yesterday when i had no computer access. maybe she knows the girl at the library reception who seemed to look at me with a weird smile. anyway. i'm semi-excited to work on the big computer. maybe i'll buy a coffee at the shop in the building with the art gallery where they have a basquiat. the kicker is the "philanthropists" on the building's name--the ones who made the gallery happen--are terrible people who profit from private prisons. a basquiat is a little less lovely in context but. good morning to all.
 
Discussion starter · #64 ·
4:15pm. just getting back from the gym. unfortunately the best computers in the house are near the writing center and some other center behind those weird modular barriers, half glass-plastic, half whatever that material is you can put pins in. so the adults were talking. at around 11 i came home for lunch, planning to go back (but i didn't). then i sat at my desk at home and read some kant. i realize i still need to do a little more reading of kant because i want to keep my section 1: epistemological foundations. of course i came to the conclusion that what i really need to do is read all three critiques (>1500 pages), plus the groundwork for the metaphysics of morals (?? pages), and probably a couple hundred pages of hume too. and hegel, at least his discussion of kant, for that matter, too. but. no. no. no. no.

at around 1:45 i left for the gym. i could've done more cardio but i wanted to beat rush hour. then leg machines. i can still feel the pamela reif abs workout from a few days ago. maybe i'll be ready for another tomorrow.

i probably won't do any more work today. maybe it will take longer than predicted but at least i'm working again. paid rent, finally worked up to checking my depleted funds, my negative estimated net worth. i could really last a whole 'nother month and wait till march to work. you can't pound kant though. after this extremely brief interlude of kant bkg, i will be back to ruthlessly redrafting what i've already written into a finish product. it will be done soon. i will be done soon.
 
Discussion starter · #65 ·
8:31am. I got up at 3 to pee and went back to bed with not too much difficulty. i awoke again around 6:50am. last night i tried to go to bed without taking a shower, the gym sweat still on me, but i began to feel sticky. in the shower i looked at my body and was disgusted. what lies have i been feeding myself, drizzled greasily along with the oil. i must MUST at least stay under 2000C today. i ate 6 clif bars yesterday, "intuitively." that's fucking candy you dumb cunt. those were supposed to be aids for working away from home, but i scarfed them all while re-watching white lotus, working myself into a fit watching the poor lesbian receptionist be so literally-me-but-better-because-thin-and-neat, from happy to emotionally destabilized (i skipped season 1 because i thought it would be too intense to watch). i woke up with the hangover from that and from the shower. if my main behavioral problem with regards to eating, in my own little self-diagnosis, is compulsive overeating, then an intuitive eating journey--that thing i slink back to every time a diet fails (i fail a diet)--must confront that behavior. i am so fattttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt oh jesus what a bigot i am but. i'm sorry.

i wanted to smoke. i wanted to write this day off. i wanted to comfort myself. i was planning to do laundry but i like to start at 5am, maximize the likelihood of being completely alone during each visit to the laundry room, wash, dry, goodbye. i need to wash my sneakers. i wanted to smoke but i'm at my desk, the wikipedia pages for practical reason and pure reason are queued up. i'm at least going to read them through, and hopefully the intros of each critique, and maybe a little passage by hegel on kant, and the intro to the groundwork on the metaphysics of morals. the library is closed tomorrow, so i'm thinking two days of kant stuff, then back to writing, and finish a draft by friday. the following week i can edit. then done. i need to wash my hair today and maybe do abs.
 
Discussion starter · #66 ·
4:43pm. it occurs to me i never talked about the whale. let me share one thought that just occurred and summarizes: it should have been three hours and much, much better.

productivity very low today. calories not too high at least. i made cabbage soup. i used the 8qt pot + the 4(?)qt pot + the skillet. I put it in cronometer as "monster cabbage soup." 6 yogurt containers in the freezer (all that could fit) and 4 more in the fridge, plus 2 or 3 bowlfuls to the face. The total estimate was ~2600 calories, meaning a bowl(=yogurt container) is around 200C. the bloating is real: it's 4 kinds of cabbage (1. regular cabbage 2. broccoli 3. cauliflower 4. kale) + other vegetables, salty bouillon, soy sauce, and tomato paste. but i will trust the calories.

i washed my hair. turned off the shower, sensed suds, turned it back on.. but still, i think the job was badly done. i'll take basic shit i am not functional at for 200 alex. another pretty girl with an amazing invitation on read on tinder. 1000 alex.

what i need to know (dear reader?) is why the "outcome" of the first critique is the determinism of nature and the second critique the freedom of the will. i sort of get the second one-- i mean it's all about the will. practical reason is, so far as i can tell, some self-help bullshit about being "free" because you can do the right thing. it's the requirement of freedom? so that morality can exist? it's turning off the existential questions and being, well, practical. you need to be free or else, so. but why is the "outcome" of the critique of pure reason the determinism of nature? is he referring to the a prioris or some shit? that which ineluctably conditions experience? but condition and determine are separate words. so. so. ...tomorrow will go better.

making the soup felt like a hurricane, and the aftermath attests to the correspondence (kant) of the feeling to the reality. two of my fingers sting from boiled water spiced with jalapeno spilling on them.
 
Discussion starter · #67 ·
6:04am. i should go transfer the laundry but it always seems to take much longer than the estimated time. i already took an extra trip forgetting the phone with the sim which powers the hotspot for the phone with the app to pay for the laundry ( at a 10c premium per load as punishment substituting the punishment of retrieving and dispensing with endless quarter rolls). when i looked at the time this morning, it was 3:38am. not enough sleep-power in me to go back to bed. i took a sleepytime+ last night, and coffee, and one or the other shortened my sleep. i swear the sleepytime+ lasts five hours and then leaves you to wake up too soon.

i was tempted to smoke, but i started reading kant. i was tempted, and remain tempted, to cook the amy's pizza in my freezer. i'll have to eat it eventually. i staved off temptation last night and barely made it under 2000C. my brain is acting like an addict, constantly stimulating me to eat. it's in my brain, it's in my brain. it makes the hours seem like mountains difficult to climb, but i am fine; i need to use my strength. i am not unhappy (except about leaving the tinder girls on read, a guilty, sad, frustrated feeling). i have meal-planned a 2000C diet to follow until the middle of my period or so, which should come, along with my new snap benefits, in about a week. 4 servings of 42.5g oatmeal with brown sugar, soy milk, and frozen fruit ad lib; 2 yogurt containers of the monster cabbage soup; and 3 protein shakes. nutritionally adequate for everything except vitamin d. one day, i will replace a container of soup and 3 servings of oatmeal with the amy's vegan pizza. today, when i'm not going to the library, would be the best day to do it, but i still need the security of volume to help get me through the urges. then, reduce oatmeal to one serving per day and continue with the meal plan, now 1330C instead of 2000C. that is the idea. if i add an oatmeal serving, then around 1525C. Plus i should configure exceptions and deviations. we will try again.

i'm not sure how long i'll stay sober today. it's sunday. i feel like if god is taking a breather, i should be intoxicating my lungs, being so yin and yang us two. but a little more kant until i simply can't. i'm sorry i.
 
Discussion starter · #68 ·
Concepts, so far as they are referred to objects, independently of the possibility or impossibility of the cognition of these objects, have their field which is determined merely according to the relation that their Object has to our cognitive faculty in general. The part of this field in which knowledge is possible for us is a ground or territory ( territorium ) for these concepts and the requisite cognitive faculty. The part of this territory, where they are legislative, is the realm ( ditio) of these concepts and of the corre sponding cognitive faculties. Empirical concepts have, therefore, their territory in nature, as the complex of all objects of sense, but no realm, only a dwelling- place ( domicilium); for though they are produced in conformity to law they are not legislative, but the rules based on them are empirical and consequently contingent.

4:25pm. This is the kind of shit i have been putting up with all day. they didn't call him cunt nothing. (i'm assuming that's what his name means in german.) no realm, only a dwelling place. these guys man. i'm feeling so contingent.

i made it to 4:20, and to 4:20 exactly. productivity low but it's something. i just found out that hegel wrote a shit ton of shit. like a lot. if there is a motivation i can imagine for getting out of this eating/weight obsession, it is for my brain to work. that would be so ..useful; nice; brain ask cirri for an adjective. i need a velvet reading chair. velvet is not an absolute must but it has to be a good one, soft and comfortable, good back and optional arm support. to let my body disappear and the words just sort of enter me like a door.

in the whole critique of pure reason the word determinism is nowhere to be found. veblen is straight riffing sometimes i swear. so far what i can say is that the inviolability of natural law is perhaps established, though i haven't really come across the proof. mostly i spent the whole day reading about 30 pages into the preface and intro of the critique of judgment. just when i got to the pertinent bits, 4:20 was about to hit. the question is: does veblen depart or innovate. are these departures and innovations significant and relevant to my whole thesis which is what exactly. a simple one stolen from someone else, that he aimed, and more importantly that he failed, to produce a materialist social science. something like that, but more concretely: that his failure lay in 1) the pseudoscientific anthropology he was using and 2) his inability to replace, among other offerings of dialectical materialism, the conception of the mediation of the scientist (e.g., in dialectical materialism, through theory-praxis). leaving him futilely to imagine and pursue an emancipatory science without engaging in emancipatory activity. so what the fuck does that have to do with kant. it's to say: he tried. he wanted freedom. he wanted, like marx sure but all too much more like kant, to bridge the inviolability of natural law and the freedom of the subject, to make knowledge transformational, causative. like marx he wanted freedom in the social sphere, but like kant he stayed, metaphorically, in konigsberg, reading travelogues and slavers' propaganda and imagining the world. he probably barely grazed hegel (who am i to...) and bought hook line and not quite sinker all the anti-marxist propaganda at those preacher and rockefeller universities. he never had a chance. he's literally me.
 
Discussion starter · #69 ·
10:44am.

conclusion: sleep is, like, really important actually. 4:50am or something, i picked up where i'd paused the white lotus season 1 episode while falling asleep. paula and the hawaiian kissing in silhouette, soft black on deep blue, intimate curves on vast space, the painful fragility of a moment, etc. the weed and coffee on my windowsill, like two roads--enter this day, go back to sleep. i went back to sleep.

It is surely excusable that this admiration should through misunderstanding gradually rise to the height of fanaticism. Kant is a bit of a romantic clearly. i know he loved rousseau.

a few more days of reading, maybe just today and tomorrow. then about 7 days of writing. then i can move on.
 
Discussion starter · #70 ·
4:21pm. what a day. my desk lost a leg. water, coffee, paper, computer spilled. my computer wouldn't charge all day (already an issue), and it has a bright stain on the bottom right of the screen. and it's flashing. i ordered another computer on the new credit card for a million dollars. productivity low. j moved the time from 7:30 to 7:15 to meet at gym, another source of anxiety. and after the spill, because i must always follow errors with errors, i spilled boiling water on my leg. now i'm going to have to see if marijuana can help me figure out what the fuck a universal-synthetic archetypal intuitive (architectonic?) understanding which does not distinguish possibility from actuality is supposed to be. mood: frustrated. trying.
 
Discussion starter · #71 ·
self-improvement journey, a note.

if it's true that i succeeded in getting over my crush, the next thing i feel ready for is getting over this eating thing. how easy it was, just to motivate myself out of it, the crush, because i was already ready. "manifestation" is no doubt a disease upon the body cultural(-politic). but what is true--maybe--is that visions can articulate a complex strategy already materially available, and even engender impetus to execute it. you get it right. you're this high. what i know is i want my brain "back" (was it ever fully there?). morally, if on no other account, i need to move on from this literal navel gazing.

if it annoyingly has two sides, this thing.

the one, an escape into eating, or just a psycho-physical dependency, a little like marijuana, no doubt related to my chemical happiness deficiencies but also more complex stuff, social isolation, lack of social development, etc.

the other, what exactly: the excuse to not live and instead reduce life to...did i succeed at this one thing that might one day allow me to deserve to live. maybe not so much dieting as the way i diet, and maybe that means i'm incapable of dieting at all. it's the draining of color from the world to concentrate on one thing, and the overwhelming consciousness of my inadequacy, so dulled when i do nothing about it.

if it has two sides, there is no free state. no natural path. just like them, i'll have to work on it.

i'm motivating myself with the prize of a brain. if it turns out the tomb is empty, there's other things too. travel, the (petite) dolce vita, that kind of thing.

being 141 or over is unbearable--it's a very big cause of depression. somehow that number 140.x, corresponding--and even though it can't be a coincidence it feels like it has to be--to the old bmi marker of "normal," gives me a whole different perspective on my body and face.

it's true, on the other hand, that my ideal weight has never been anywhere in the near distance. i have never been adequate. adequacy was never nearly in sight.

maybe i will always think -- but maybe not-- that my ideal weight for my age (almost 33) is 97lbs, and that younger it would have been closer to 80.

and there was something in me-- a musical resonance-- at the numbers 6 and 13.

6lbs, the weight i wasn't even born at. and 13? i don't know. the responsible ugw for a grown adult. it's very strange. maybe it's part of my superstitious physiology.

if i choose rationality, i am afraid of giving up something inside me, and i desire to be loyal to myself.

what if i monitor my weight, keeping it under the danger zone, but otherwise living life with health, true health in mind. social development, brain development, living in-the-world irl. if at least my face is pretty (relative to its ugly inherent state), if at least it's not exploded from binging, or chronic overeating, or that .1+lb pushing me into the category of "overweight," not as pretty as it would be, and not pretty because it never could be, maybe i can present myself to the world. be done with this self-indulgent shame.

am i always returning to the bargaining stage.
 
Discussion starter · #72 ·
6:07am. is anyone there? i accidentally took a hit of weed, so i guess the day is canceled. i woke up at 4-something (30?50?). sleep is work i'm too lazy to do sometimes. i woke up thinking "i'm fat." last night ate way too much. i bought pistachios. they felt good in my gut. then i kept eating, anxious about eating, anxiously eating, eating more with the conflicting thoughts of stop eating and eat now you'll have to stop later etc.

today, since i'm high and i fucking give up, i'll go over all the readings, the ideal and the realistic. the sections about faculties, and about judgment, in the critique of pure reason; the parts of the intro to pure reason other than the synthetic a priori; the preface to anthropology; a few more sections of judgment then skim the rest of the teleological part and briefly browse the first part. and today, while high, i'll try to read the wikipedia page on hegel and do some browsing on him.

last night, she was there at the gym, the tinder girl with the photo that looked like the gym. i was stupid and just kept my head down. she was right across from me at one point, using the machine that does one glute at a time, where you rock the knee back. who knows if she saw me or recognized me. also at the gym, he was saying dark things. he seemed down.

i will add a schema of the planned readings here.


pure
meta
practical
judgment
anthro
other
 
Discussion starter · #73 ·
9:40am. my period arrived and i am in pain. i think it was the coffee i decided to have when i woke up at 1am or so and decided to have a break from sleeping. there are months when i don't get this fucking pain. cramps at random intervals, random lengths, random intensities. one is happening right now. when i woke up again at 9:20am or so i thought it was done. but no. can't think of work for a second. i am just angryhurting for a second.
 
Discussion starter · #74 ·
9:13am. day follows day, how bleak.

Tecum habita, et noris quam sit tibi curta supellex.
Dwell in your own house, and you'll realize how ill-furnished it is. (or something like that)

i will never, no one will ever, there is no... these are the clumsy planks i'm throwing around as the foundations of this day. i require this dose of hopelessness, this justice to adorn my anger and lostness. my face is a lumpy, discolored glob of dough. no one is there. i cannot shut myself in, because i cannot survive any longer that way, feebly promising myself reunion with life in the future. red underwear, symbolic of... the mess of mortality, the ruff of futility amid which its diamonds silently flounder. i feel like talking to her. but who am i, what do i have to offer.

every day requires effort. and every time i fail, every time i give up, no freedom relieves me. either there is this distortion of time that lengthens it to languish in, or there is that blurring of time, and i languish in the impotence of my own mind. freedom is impossible. i choose, if i am strong enough, drudgery. i hope there is something on the other side. but i don't have hope. i have never seen an interpretation of "hope is the thing with feathers" pointing out what a burden hope is. but i don't have it. i am in a corner. try try try. i want the absolute. but all i have is....this ill-furnished...
 
Discussion starter · #75 ·
2:34pm. I ended two hours early. I started relatively early. I read the two prefaces and the introduction to the critique of pure reason. i will read more tomorrow and saturday. i will take off sunday. snap benefits come in sunday, so maybe i'll go shopping and meal prep. i want to be writing everyday starting monday. i can take off weekends/ do supplemental reading. ideally, i finish the first or second week. monday-friday + monday-friday. that way i'll finish by february 17.

1. i should look over judgement with an eye to
1) honing in on a definition of the faculty
2) understanding kant's position with respect to teleology in science.

2. continue reviewing critique of pure reason looking for
1) explication of the faculties and their relation to each other and why the term "reason" seems to be used to apply to all of them
2) definition of the faculty of judgment in particular; relationship to understanding
3) definition of objective knowledge
4) definition of "transcendental"; "transcendental" vs "general logic"
5) definition of metaphysics. what is his solution to the problem. define metaphysical vs transcendental
6) definition of "doctrine"; what are his doctrines
7) the mechanism of nature...
8) (if time permits) how is cause and effect an a priori judgment
9) kant vs materialism

3. metaphysics of morals and the critique of practical judgement:
1) i am NOT going to think about the categorical imperative. i am executively deciding that it's a waste of time.
2) freedom--definition, is a proof offered for it?
3) definition of "practical" and how it can be "pure"
4) look for word judgment
5) definition of "metaphysic"

4. bkg: Hegel intros, fichte, schelling...
1) skim as time permits.

5. REFLECTION. how is veblen attempting to appropriate the ideas of kant. what goals do they share in common. what ideas does he reject. what remedies does he offer.

i smell like a fat person. i want to go on a diet again. however, i need to finish my paper first. i ordered 3 24-packs of thai peanut primal jerky because i saw the price had gone down. i will bring those to the library; also clif bars and apples. i can also (gasp) eat out. then after that i suppose it will be time for my period again; maybe i'll do period-based dieting. supposedly i'll be fertile february 11. so. in the next iteration, i think i will include soup and shakes, maybe oatmeal. oatmeal has zinc, selenium, and complex carbohydrates. but it's relatively high calorie. 400C soup (25g) + 600C shakes (75g) + 200C oatmeal with sugar and toppings(?g). 1200C, >100g protein. what could possibly go wrong? also i like to eat fresh fruit... say 150C fruit? 1350C. reasonable, responsible. etc. i'm so defeated.
 
Discussion starter · #77 ·
it's only february, and already i'm in love with portland again. i forget what it is, i'm always forgetting what it is, that genuinely attracts me to this place. i'm inside--so it's only some sense of the specific density of the air outside, and that mystical mood of the atmosphere and the chill fairy trees, some sense coming in through the closed windows. i'm not sure if it's that i don't believe my people are here, or that i'm worried i'm not the type to be able to find them. if i stay here i can't stay this lonely. and i'm worried--it's her voice i hear, her scoff--what it says about me if i become a member of this place, a member, then, of this society. so i have love for it. the bridges, the water, the air, the chill vibrations that are atmospheric, they belong to no one. the people have been hurting. maybe it's memory imagining that the vibes are out there, when in fact the people are still in pain. not memories of memories but memories of hope. we made it past february. the sun sets past 5 already, the day is considerably long. it's not like you need too much of it. the temperature flutters past 50 often enough to feel warmth come from inside your body. to feel blessed, refreshed, by the air. you're not too depleted. maybe it's just a mood.

next november, december, january, i don't want to be here. i don't know what he'll do without me on new year's eve. maybe we'll meet somewhere south of oregon. if i can miss those months, that descent, the annoying holidays which i like but mostly hate, if i can arrive on a february day like today, quiet in a subtly dynamic way, like it's been waiting for me but is not going to make an obnoxious deal about it.
 
Discussion starter · #78 ·
6:05am. snap day. i didn't know when they'd arrive, so i didn't put in a pick up order (which would have gotten me $15 off). plus i wanted to have "fun" shopping. the way loneliness drags. (perches on the soul, never stops at all) it's this loud unhearable sound, giant sunsize speaker heaving and heaving the space around it where i'm just trying to chill. up against a wall, i can't make it move. i play with my thoughts, feelings, desires, imagine they are not there, ideas in my head, provoked the way ads provoke, inessential, manufactured. detach from the object. spinoza said hate is anger + object. detach from object and let the feeling expand into space, become, if not meaningless, uninterpretable. this is not loneliness, i just need another hit.

should is smoke? should i throw this day away? i have to read more of the critique of pure reason. i took yesterday off, as if would wake up today "ready." i woke up today ready to buy food. the apartment is a mess. the sink is a health code violation, or a dozen. at least this place doesn't get bugs. the apartment complex i lived in last sent their claim that i owed them money into collections, so now i'm worried i'll never be able to move into another place so my plan of leaving november and finding a new place in february is..... for $350 i wouldn't, on principle, pay. and they probably made money selling the debt. don't think that the billion pressure points of capitalism won't affect you personally even if you drown the whole world out and let your privilege float you, aged child of the petite bourgeoisie.
 
Discussion starter · #79 ·
well you know how i was contemplating somehow getting out of all of this, i mean this eating situationship. i mean sure all that too but also fuck it? new plan. fast-mimicking (ketogenic) high protein vlc diet. 750C. + exercise. 2 rounds of 20 minutes each elliptical, treadmill, stairs. + cardio strength combo with j. 2 true nutrition protein shakes, no fruit or soy milk added. 1-2 high protein vegetable water fries. bok choy, dark greens, mushrooms, zucchini, broccoli, cauliflower, asparagus. 1/2 brazil nut once in awhile for selenium. can't do it till after my paper. it's just an idea. two days off per week, 2000C target. overall, 1.5lbs per wk avg and when i reach 110 i'll stop for all time, forget everything that came before, be reasonable and vivid and alive. if i ever feel like things are moving too fast, switch to 2000C target. minimal calorie counting. i'd have to spend actual cash on the protein. i can't wait to travel again.
 
Discussion starter · #80 ·
7:50am this morning, oddly enough, i am not jonesing to smoke. don't get me wrong, i wouldn't mind it. i almost want to take another day and feel even less jonesy tomorrow.

i ate too much yesterday. for whatever reason i feel relatively confident that i'll be able to follow the following plan: intuitively, freely eat till around after my birthday, target a weigh in of 140.x; then attempt weight loss again.

as to the paper, i am going to take it easy. gentle productivity, as this youtuber i watch says. only much fucking gentler. seinfeld is on, the critique of pure reason is up. i feel like working out today.
 
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