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CrunchyLeaves accountability/diary blog

176 views 1 reply 1 participant last post by  CrunchyLeaves 
#1 ·
I will be using this blog as my accountability as well as venting thoughts I cant share anywhere else.
I will post my stats tomorrow morning. I don't like weighing in the evening.
I dont count calories because that usually leads to me binge so I do OMAD low restrict Sunday-Friday and high restrict Saturdays. I'm recently relapsed after a few years in active recovery and my weight is the highest it has ever been. I can't handle it anymore. I also feel this weird... emptiness in recovery. Like a huge aspect of myself is being ignored and pushed aside. I feel like my old self again now that I'm restricting and it's very comforting.
 
#2 ·
I weighed in at 144lb today. I feel so gross.
I made it through most of the day with just water and diet coke but then my partner hounded me about eating supper. It was pizza. I wound up eating a slice and then taking a shower and wound up purging it. I honestly hate purging so much but idk pizza is one food I am so afraid of. I'm brewing a cup of green tea now.

I keep thinking about years ago my partner at the time talked to my mom behind my back and was like "I've never seen August eat and they keep losing weight and im worried" so when I got home from work they both confronted me and I had to convince my ma that I was okay. Then I talked to him privately and was like "Dude why tf would you go talk to my mom about that" and he gave me all this shit about how worried he was and he wasn't convinced that I wasn't restricting so I lied and told him I was on drugs and he was like "Oh. Okay 😌" and was cool with it??? I don't know why I can't stop laughing about it and couldn't share that little story with anyone irl
 
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