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1,679 Posts
waiting room
when will the trauma responses stop? how many years will it take for me to hear absolutely anything related to betrayal and not immediately break down into tears? her name is somehow everywhere. the music they listened to is all over the platforms i use regularly. the fun things they did together are the things i’ve always wanted to try. the tv shows, the movies, the fucking clothes he wore with her and the dates he took her on. i want to be hit in the head until i forget that he took me to get pho the week we got engaged, and her to get pho only 2 years earlier, while i was saving up money to move in with him. i want to be pushed off a building so that i forget that he took us to the same spot on the mountain for a cute little date. i want a fucking lobotomy. i can’t let go of almost 8 years of us together even after all he’s done to me, why could he so easily let go of it when all i give him is love? no matter how much things have changed since then, no matter how much better we are together, i’m starting to notice small personality changes that remind me of that time. and each time i ask for more reassurance or tell him how i feel, he gets offended because he’s going through a hard time. and trust me, i see the red flags. i do. i’m ignoring them, and i can’t stop.
when will the trauma responses stop? how many years will it take for me to hear absolutely anything related to betrayal and not immediately break down into tears? her name is somehow everywhere. the music they listened to is all over the platforms i use regularly. the fun things they did together are the things i’ve always wanted to try. the tv shows, the movies, the fucking clothes he wore with her and the dates he took her on. i want to be hit in the head until i forget that he took me to get pho the week we got engaged, and her to get pho only 2 years earlier, while i was saving up money to move in with him. i want to be pushed off a building so that i forget that he took us to the same spot on the mountain for a cute little date. i want a fucking lobotomy. i can’t let go of almost 8 years of us together even after all he’s done to me, why could he so easily let go of it when all i give him is love? no matter how much things have changed since then, no matter how much better we are together, i’m starting to notice small personality changes that remind me of that time. and each time i ask for more reassurance or tell him how i feel, he gets offended because he’s going through a hard time. and trust me, i see the red flags. i do. i’m ignoring them, and i can’t stop.