10:30pm last night (TW, TMI, kinda NSFW & general warning)
i went down to get some food. i figured no one would be down there, but as i was walking down the stairs i could see light coming from the living room, so i knew my stepdad must still be awake, because my mom was feeling sick and went to bed early.
as i turned the corner, i caught the quickest glimpse. my heart was racing and i had only seen a sliver of a snapshot of what was going on. he was sitting on the couch alone, you can probably guess what he was doing, and he quickly covered everything with a blanket. i had my phone in my hand, so i looked at my phone and pretended i didn't see. i mean, i'd rather avoid having any kind of conversation with him altogether, and i knew if i had gone right back upstairs, either he would have tried to talk to me about it or he'd tell my mom and then we'd have to talk about it. so i just looked down at my phone and walked past the couch into the kitchen.
let me make it clear, although the glance i got was very slight, i was 100000% sure that that was what he was doing. there's no doubt in my mind. but as i panicked and grabbed some milk because i wanted to get upstairs as fast as possible (i rly wanted some fruit or something but oh well) i started hearing noises.
i'm not trying to say that i think he started to do it again while i was still down there, but it's definitely what i was thinking at the time. it wasn't the general, er, slapping sound you'd think of, but more like intermittent friction. the sound of general fast movements. and i was like "hm" so i poured my milk like an idiot and went upstairs as quickly as i could. but while i was walking by the couch to get back to the stairs, i heard. like. grunting sounds? i know that sounds like a big fat lie but i really don't know if he was:
* THAT socially inept to continue while his stepdaughter was nearby (this option is honestly genuinely seriously what i'm leaning towards because he has always been a weird guy. he doesn't abide by social standards of decency: in the past, he has called me sexy, tickled me without consent, sat on me, and watched me walk upstairs before telling me he could see my ass. these were all separate occasions.)
* maybe just dumb enough to think i didn't know
* maybe just deaf enough to not be able to hear himself so he thought i can't hear him either
* maybe just doing something completely different and trying to play it off like that's what he had been doing the whole time
* maybe just doing something completely different in general but still knowing that i saw
i genuinely cannot figure out whether or not he was still doing it. i sat on my bed and just stared at the wall for like ten minutes straight. i was in complete shock.
i know this doesn't seem like a big deal, but to someone who has sexual trauma surrounding father figures, it was... horrific.