I'm maintaining a 4.0 while underweight, but I'm only around BMI 17 right now and I don't restrict at all during the quarter, only during breaks.

 

I'm maintaining a 4.0 while underweight, but I'm only around BMI 17 right now and I don't restrict at all during the quarter, only during breaks.

Thank you! Do you mind me asking how you eat when school is in?

I weight restored recently, because I was worried that I might be making myself dumber by restricting. But I actually had my best grades in college when I was at my lowest weight, and so I keep having this voice in the back of my head saying "you were better/smarter back then."

 

I’ve got a 4.0 and am about halfway done with my degree. Been in a shitty mental state the whole time, restricting like crazy and over exercising/purging. It gets exhausting but studying is a great distraction from food and hunger.

 

I maintained a 4.0, but had to drop out (actually, was going to be kicked out unless I willingly went into treatment) my last semester of undergrad. I repeated the semester about 2 years later (and still had to take a medical leave midway through it). That last semster took about 2 years from beginning to end.

Thankfully I stayed in recovery during grad school.

 

I've got a 4.0 and am about halfway done with my degree. Been in a shitty mental state the whole time, restricting like crazy and over exercising/purging. It gets exhausting but studying is a great distraction from food and hunger.

I totally understand this, even though I went through something similar for my undergrad, the struggle is almost addictive. When I was restricting and doing really well, it just felt like I was just working so much harder than everyone else and I felt so confident?

And focusing was challenging while studying, but I felt like I didn't care and could just do it all day long, because school and restricting were the only things that I cared about.

 

I maintained a 4.0, but had to drop out (actually, was going to be kicked out unless I willingly went into treatment) my last semester of undergrad. I repeated the semester about 2 years later (and still had to take a medical leave midway through it). That last semster took about 2 years from beginning to end.

Thankfully I stayed in recovery during grad school.

Wow, I'm so sorry, that sounds like a really traumatic experience.

Would you mind sharing more about what it was like to go through recovery in Grad school? I'm at a similar point. I went through my lowest weight in undergrad, had straight A's and then tried to start recovering my senior year before grad school.

I'm now in Grad school, weight restored and still have straight A's still, but Im constantly worried that I would be smarter/better if I went back to restricting.

Being "normal" and "balanced" is so much harder for me than restricting and falling into my old habits. I'm stuck in a weird recovery/relapse cycle. All of it is a mental battle about wanting to get better and "be normal" but then hating being normal and just wanting to restrict and study.

 

Thank you! Do you mind me asking how you eat when school is in?

I weight restored recently, because I was worried that I might be making myself dumber by restricting. But I actually had my best grades in college when I was at my lowest weight, and so I keep having this voice in the back of my head saying "you were better/smarter back then."

I try to eat pretty healthy when school is in. Breakfast is usually rice with butter, veggies, and a couple eggs or some chicken. I don't really eat lunch, but snack throughout the day on things like boiled eggs, veggies and hummus, protein shakes, avocado, nuts, and fruit. Dinner is usually some kind of soup, curry, or stew with veg and meat. I mostly don't count cals and just eat intuitively, and as long as I stay pretty active I maintain. As for macros, I make sure to get enough protein and healthy fats, especially early in the day, and try to eat smaller amounts of carbs spread throughout the day to keep my blood sugar stable.
I think your brain is tricking you there! My guess is you were particularly obsessive at that point in your life and that came through in both your grades and your eating habits. Correlation rather than causation, you know?

 

It’s so hard to maintain good grades when restricting. Restricting makes me apathetic which is isn’t good when you want to do well. I used to pull solid 3.7’s when I was a bulimic, but now I don’t have the memory or attention span to pull those kind of grades anymore bc of restriction. Sure, you might do well at first with the starvation adrenaline rush, but that honeymoon phase wears off fast and then you’re left with a foggy brain. Please don’t let the ED ruin your goals xx

 

I try to eat pretty healthy when school is in. Breakfast is usually rice with butter, veggies, and a couple eggs or some chicken. I don't really eat lunch, but snack throughout the day on things like boiled eggs, veggies and hummus, protein shakes, avocado, nuts, and fruit. Dinner is usually some kind of soup, curry, or stew with veg and meat. I mostly don't count cals and just eat intuitively, and as long as I stay pretty active I maintain. As for macros, I make sure to get enough protein and healthy fats, especially early in the day, and try to eat smaller amounts of carbs spread throughout the day to keep my blood sugar stable.
I think your brain is tricking you there! My guess is you were particularly obsessive at that point in your life and that came through in both your grades and your eating habits. Correlation rather than causation, you know?

That way of eating does seem very healthy and balanced! It also seems sustainable which is something I'm really trying to focus on going forward!

And I think you're absolutely right. I really can't thank you enough for taking the time to comment<3

I always do that where I relate what I was eating/ how I was restricting to everything good or bad that happens in my life. I think that was the middle of a really dark time, and I was especially desperate to be perfect in all aspects of my life. I'm still a perfectionist at heart, and so I tend to feel lazy now when I look back at myself and see how I was able to restrict and maintain a perfect GPA.

When I'm looking for ways to improve and be better, it always starts by "I should eat better/less/differently". Now I guess I associate being "perfect" with eating, with being perfect in school too...

 

It's so hard to maintain good grades when restricting. Restricting makes me apathetic which is isn't good when you want to do well. I used to pull solid 3.7's when I was a bulimic, but now I don't have the memory or attention span to pull those kind of grades anymore bc of restriction. Sure, you might do well at first with the starvation adrenaline rush, but that honeymoon phase wears off fast and then you're left with a foggy brain. Please don't let the ED ruin your goals xx

You're so right! I always forget this and it ends up being such a vicious cycle.

The reason I started trying to eat more in the first place was after the honeymoon phase wore off and It got harder and harder to just think. I started feeling so stupid.

Why is it so easy to forget this, and only remember the "good times" when I was feeling light and clear headed and like I could restrict forever???

 

You're so right! I always forget this and it ends up being such a vicious cycle.
The reason I started trying to eat more in the first place was after the honeymoon phase wore off and It got harder and harder to just think. I started feeling so stupid.

Why is it so easy to forget this, and only remember the "good times" when I was feeling light and clear headed and like I could restrict forever???

The illness will trick you into believing this. It happened to me, and then I had to drop a course after failing an exam that I was convinced I did well on bc of the stupid ED :/

 

The illness will trick you into believing this. It happened to me, and then I had to drop a course after failing an exam that I was convinced I did well on bc of the stupid ED :/

I'm so sorry you went through that! You are exactly right, this illness tricks you into thinking that you're better when you restrict, and if you aren't doing as well as you want, its because you're not restricting/working hard enough.

I'm so glad you reminded me of this lesson <3 Thank you!!

 

I just started uni, it's my first semester and it's been managable. I've been thinking about eating without counting calories, because it can be really overwhelming and time-consuming, and i need to focus on my studies more. I think i already know the calorie content of most foods, I usually eat similiar meals and if I eat relatively small portion sizes of healthy and satisfying foods I think it'll help me mental health wise while losing weight. I'm at a higher bmi (22) because I had a "recovery period" for almost a year, so I thankfully don't have strong physical symptoms (except for fatigue sometimes)

 

i had a 4.0 and honors status but it literally almost killed me! i would advise anyone in this situation to choose recovery if they care about their grades. i thought i was dying every night, like waking up gasping for air, and during class i couldn't focus at all. i was consuming 2-3 bang energy drinks per day (the literal devil) just so i could study. i've been recovered for almost a year and toeing the line of relapse but it just doesn't seem worth it...so many issues

 

I high restrict and exercise a lot, I got a 4.0 this semester. I also wanted to die at least every other day but it is what it is.

 

wait, im in hs with a 4.3 gpa (weighted) in my junior yr, I take 4 weighted classes, dont do any sports and restrict 500-800, but live off caffeine and use school as a distraction from eating. I hope to not be doing my ed stuff as hard core as now, but ik it will still be there, idk how or to what extent tho and ik u can never predict anything abt an ed

how much significantly harder is college? does it depend on the school? any stem or business majors in here ?

 

I did undergrad and graduated summa even having to miss a semester for a recovery stint. Got into a good grad program on a scholarship, I did have a hiccup with bipolar this semester but my professors and advisors and supervisors have been so supportive and generous.

 

I graduated suma cum laude but I cried almost every day. My heart also stopped at one point during my time in college and I had to be resuscitated. So I'd say my experience of trying to actively engage in my ED while in college wasn't very good

 

Why is it so easy to forget this, and only remember the "good times" when I was feeling light and clear headed and like I could restrict forever???

Ugh this is so true :/

 

wait, im in hs with a 4.3 gpa (weighted) in my junior yr, I take 4 weighted classes, dont do any sports and restrict 500-800, but live off caffeine and use school as a distraction from eating. I hope to not be doing my ed stuff as hard core as now, but ik it will still be there, idk how or to what extent tho and ik u can never predict anything abt an ed

how much significantly harder is college? does it depend on the school? any stem or business majors in here ?

College is a LOT harder imo, but it definitely depends on the school and how many course hours you take. I had a similar HS GPA and I'm now a STEM major going to a rigorous school - and even when I'm taking a light courseload I have to study 2x as much as I did in high school. Classes cover a ton more material in a shorter amount of time.

I would HIGHLY encourage restricting higher in college, especially if you're walking to and from classes in different buildings as you'll burn a lot of calories that way! I low restricted for a semester and ended up failing a class when I had a 4.0 before. The brain fog and exhaustion was awful.

 

wait, im in hs with a 4.3 gpa (weighted) in my junior yr, I take 4 weighted classes, dont do any sports and restrict 500-800, but live off caffeine and use school as a distraction from eating. I hope to not be doing my ed stuff as hard core as now, but ik it will still be there, idk how or to what extent tho and ik u can never predict anything abt an ed

how much significantly harder is college? does it depend on the school? any stem or business majors in here ?

i think that difficulty in college depends on a bunch of different factors, such as your already-established study habits, professors, and the classes you take. for me, my first semester was like whiplash and i almost failed two of my five classes in the end because i have terrible study habits. also hey! i'm a radiologic technology major

 

i had a 4.0 and honors status but it literally almost killed me! i would advise anyone in this situation to choose recovery if they care about their grades. i thought i was dying every night, like waking up gasping for air, and during class i couldn't focus at all. i was consuming 2-3 bang energy drinks per day (the literal devil) just so i could study. i've been recovered for almost a year and toeing the line of relapse but it just doesn't seem worth it...so many issues

Holy crap this was me last semester. I was restricting, waking for 3 hours every day and I would drink 3+ bang or reign energy drinks every day. It really f-ed up my skin I definitely woke up one night in the middle of the night with my chest pounding and I thought I was having a heart attack...

Also I think I'm in the same boat. Ive been doing really well recently "not caring" and "trying to be normal." But, well, here I am again :|. But you're right, it's not worth it, and I really really don't want to mess up my academics

 

I did undergrad and graduated summa even having to miss a semester for a recovery stint. Got into a good grad program on a scholarship, I did have a hiccup with bipolar this semester but my professors and advisors and supervisors have been so supportive and generous.

That's so amazing, you should be so proud of yourself! Battling your ED all while being so successful in your academics!

I've found the same thing, my advisor is so supportive and kind. She has been so incredible to me, and I really don't want to let her down! I think thats why I'm so tempted by relapse. I feel like for some reason, if I'm skinnier, I would be smarter and then I could repay her kindness somehow????But also I'm so terrified to become slower or not as smart because of brain fog from relapsing?

If you don't mind me asking, where are you now with your ED?

 

wait, im in hs with a 4.3 gpa (weighted) in my junior yr, I take 4 weighted classes, dont do any sports and restrict 500-800, but live off caffeine and use school as a distraction from eating. I hope to not be doing my ed stuff as hard core as now, but ik it will still be there, idk how or to what extent tho and ik u can never predict anything abt an ed

how much significantly harder is college? does it depend on the school? any stem or business majors in here ?

It is a lot harder. I'm someone that didn't have to study at all ever in high school, and I've found college quite difficult.
I'm on a STEM path, which I hear is harder, but I actually have more difficulty with writing classes than with math and science, so it just depends what subjects you're skilled in, I think.

 

I graduated suma cum laude but I cried almost every day. My heart also stopped at one point during my time in college and I had to be resuscitated. So I'd say my experience of trying to actively engage in my ED while in college wasn't very good

I'm so sorry you went through that it must have been terrifying. I'm so glad you are still here

Thank you for reminding me too that my ED is painting everything pretty but the reality of it was that I was so miserable, and I would probably just be making myself miserable.

It just feels like a train wreck that I know is coming and I'm trying to stop but at the same time I really just want to give in...