As you can see from my profile, this is a decade old account. I really thought I recovered, I really did.

I'm in my late twenties now, an attorney at a BigLaw firm. However, this year, I have felt myself quietly slipping back into old patterns I thought I’d long since outgrown.

And now, my body is showing the cost. The weight I’ve lost this year has landed me in real health trouble that might take me out of work. My doctors have warned that at my age, the damage I’m doing could be permanent. I was told this week that my thyroid is on the verge of underfunctioning, which would mean daily medication for the rest of my life. I've spent thousands of dollars on doctors and therapists over the years and yet I feel like that has all been for nothing now.

I know this is bad, but I’m struggling. Part of me still clings to the belief that if I just push a little harder, eat a little less, do a little more, it'll finally be enough. When does this end? I have everything one could dream of in life and yet nothing fills me up because I am just broken inside.