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18/01/2023
Calories eaten: 946
Money eaten:
Exercise: 18.3 k steps
Weight: 56 kg
Updating this a day late because my calorie tracking app was under maintenance and I couldn't remember what I ate lmao. Also I know my weight is going up like nobody's business, but there was some kind of problem with BM for me and I started the famous prune therapy that day.
19/01/2023
Calories eaten: 987
Money eaten:
Exercise: 3.2 k steps
Weight: 56.2 kg
I'm weirdly hungry lately. Can't imagine living like I did a few weeks ago, off of 300 calories a day and exercising on top of that. I'm not sure if that's just how high restriction works of me or if I'm just doing lot of things all day lately - like a proper fucking adult. By the way, it's crazy that in high school my day used to end at 4 pm. Yeah I was anemic, but still, I'd come back home and just collapse in bed and basically stay there until the next day. Now I have classes, things to do, appointments, I'm doing my own cooking, cleaning, studying lots...
Maybe because I'm a lot less depressed than I used to be when I lived with my mother. God, the quality of life truly skyrocketed. And yet she had the audacity to believe I'm going to miss her lmao. Not one bit. I'm aware those are the best moments of my whole life so far, even though I'm deciding to ruin them with restriction. But to be honest I'm still in honeymoon phase of this relapse. I'm doing good.
Had a BM today, so the scale better drop tomorrow. Prunes are awesome, I'm going to include them in my normal diet.
21/01/2023
Calories eaten: 984
Exercise: 3.8 k steps
Weight: 55.8 kg
Why am I so snackyyyyy. Am I turning into junkorexic or what 💀 I'll finish off the sweets that I stupidly bought and stop that bullshit altogether. I'll only allow the greatest thing in existence - mini ice cream bars that are 31 cals each, but I'll limit myself to 1 a day.
I've got a feeling that my period is coming. It's always super irregular, so I can't tell for sure. Also I'm thinking about reducing my calorie limit next month. In January it was a 1000, in February it'll be 900 and so on. I'm curious how low I can go and still function at least semi-normally. I also really want to try and reach a longer fast. I think my longest one so far was just under 48 hours, but I didn't record it - and I was super stressed, that works like the best appetite suppressant for me. But I'm not sure where in year I could fit longer fasts. I'll be working in hospital full time in July, so I cannot put my selfish ED before others' health, so maybe August? Although probably my fam will force me to spend it with them. Honestly no idea. Maybe I should start practicing now so I could function normally in uni even while fasting? Can one even practice fasting?
Or maybe I shouldn't fast at all. I know restriction does the trick and fasting only leads to binges, but there's something pure in not eating that's so tempting. I'll think about it.
23/01/2023
Calories eaten: 198
Exercise: 11.1 k steps
Weight: 55.8 kg
I'm kinda scared to write this here, but I want to try 2468 diet. I'm not very prone to binging, yesterday I just didn't gave a fuck anymore and was too tired of the scale not moving, so I told myself "ah fuck it". And I stand by it, what's the point of denying myself satiation if I'm not even losing because of it?
But then again, I DO want to lose. It seems impossible on a 1000 a day though. I mean, I would probably eventually lose, but I lack patience. 2468 seems doable; only 200 calorie day sounds challenging, but then it gets better every day, and dropping low after 800 calories isn't tragically hard for me.
But I need to be active. I come in contact with a lot of sick people every day and I need to be on top of my game. I need to keep passing my tests, I need to study, I need to be efficient. I don't know it it'll be sustainable. It's my first time going on a diet like this, so I'll have to figure it out as I go.
I figured I want a structured diet, I want something with varying calorie intake and I lowkey don't want to decide those things myself every single day. ABC is too low though and I don't like fasts; the mental hunger is crazy and makes it hard to function. And I need to stay on top of my electrolyte intake as well otherwise I feel dizzy - it's pleasant when I'm free, but not while trying to focus. So just why bother?
So yeah. I know the first day doesn't mean shit as far as predicting if I'm gonna stick to it goes, but I'll do my best. I'll also stop weighing myself daily, because it's frustrating lmao. I'll weigh myself at the beginning of every cycle or every Monday, haven't yet decided.
24/01/2023
Calories eaten: 395
Exercise: 3.4 k steps
I bought a kitchen scale yesterday and gosh, it's a game changer. Previously I was going off of information on the labels, but I know for a fact now that I was off most of the times. Now I feel much more secure in my predictions and I hope it'll show results soon.
As far as restriction goes, I'm actually feeling quite satiated now, it's been a good day I think. I've managed to include lots of sweetness into today's intake (God bless melons) and because of that I feel less food crazy. I've been cursed with a massive sweet tooth unfortunately, but I'm glad I found my way around it, even if it's just a temporary solution.
25/01/2023
Calories eaten: 600
Exercise: 13.6 k steps
I'm so happy I passed my big test today! It's such a nice feeling to see your hard work pay off. And not only did I pass it; I absolutely nailed it! Honestly didn't expect such a high score, but I'm really, really happy about it!
26/01/2023
Calories eaten: 797
Exercise: 6.9 k steps
And another test passed, which marks the end of January test marathon, thank god. I'm so happy that's now behind me. Need to catch up on sleep and youtube videos and soon I'll begin studying for another exam... The perks of being a student.
27/01/2023
Calories eaten: 200
Exercise: 3.4 k steps
Weight: 54.8 kg (121 lbs)!!! - bmi 20,1
Finally, it dropped! I knew my jeans were getting baggy around my thighs, but waist and stomach still are not budging. I'll keep going though.
Today was going to be difficult, because I didn't have my usual morning classes to keep me occupied and allow me to forget about hunger, but I told myself I'll eat after English class. And I'm proud I managed to do just that. After a toast with an egg white, quarter of a honeydew melon and a bit of popcorn I feel okay. It certainly helps that I could really fit a lot into yesterday's limit, both healthy foods and sweets.
Now, after the scale finally moved, I feel like I can achieve anything. I'm not struggling too bad with sticking to this diet so far, although in the morning I was really hungry - mainly mentally.
I also texted my piercer in hopes to get an appointment on Valentine's Day - they have a great sale and I'm starting my winter break on 13th, so I figured it'd be pretty safe to get a set of new holes in my body during my off time from uni. And around that same time I'll visit my crush - I'm not sure how it'll impact this diet, I might have to take a few days off, but that'll be okay as well. I deserve rest and to have fun with him.
Overall a really good day today. Next weigh in on 31st!
I've gotta say, 400 days are significantly harder than 200 ones. Maybe it's because 200 ones fall after indulgence days. Or maybe it's because it's the weekend now and I don't have any daily activities to keep me busy. I was tired, mentally hungry as hell, I kept looking at aesthetic meals on Pinterest and watching Erik The Electric to try and feed my mind.
I'm going to get my ears pierced in February! I promised myself if I do well on that super duper difficult test I'mma schedule an appointment and I'm trying to keep my promises to myself lately, so I did just that. Not without a fuck up of course, but that's just how I roll 😎
I always wanted piercings, but my mother was telling me that they're tacky. So, fuck you mom, I'm going to be tacky, but happy and there's nothing you can do to stop it.
I'm doing just lobe for now, but I'm thinking about a few more in the future.
And on Valentines Day I'm going to catch a train and then spend 4 hours in it to finally see my crush. Hopefully my ears won't complain too much about it. Also I'm not sure how will I solve the obvious problem with eating with him. I could probably fast, but I don't like this idea - it's my break and I want to rest properly before starting 6th semester. I don't wanna stop 2468 diet, I kinda like it so far - although sometimes it's torturous for my brain. But I might have no other choice. I can't let him see how fucked up I got with my food lately.
Or maybe it's arrogant to assume I'm even going to stick with it until my break?
I did some more math and my last exam of this semester falls on the 200 calorie day, so... that'll be interesting...
Oh look at me, so many excuses. I'm just not sure what to do with myself. I'm not experiencing too many negative effects of restriction just yet, so I guess I'll decide as I go, according to how I feel.
Two more days until weigh in! I feel my period getting closer, so the result might not be as spectacular, but I'm looking forward to it regardless!
29/01/2023
Calories eaten: 599
Exercise: 2.7 k steps
It's good today. I'm not hungry, physically nor mentally. Everything I ate hit the spot. It's easy and good. Tomorrow will be indulgence day and I'm honestly looking forward to it.
I keep buying sweets, although I don't allow myself too much; I can't fit any on 200 and 400 days. I know I will eat them eventually, just why do I need more if I already have so many? My brain enters the gluttony mode as soon as I enter the grocery store.
So far I've hoarded: around 1 kg of soft gingerbread cookies, a pack minus three super decadent cookies, a pack minus one musli bars, some candies that I haven't had in ages (but they're super high in cals for only one of them, so I'm putting of eating them and substituting with more satisfying sweets), some popcorn that I keep on snacking throughout the days that honestly keeps me sane, and about a quarter of a pack of cinnamon cereal. I'm like Smaug lmao.
Sure they are tempting, but I won't eat any until they fit into my calorie limit, so I don't feel particularly drawn to them. Just... why so many of them?
30/01/2023
Calories eaten: 799
Exercise: 7.3 k steps
Tired and on my period.
Weigh in day tomorrow. I'm trying to keep my expectations low.
Today also marks the end of the second cycle of the 2468 diet which means I stuck to it for a week straight. I can't say it wasn't hard at times, but that weigh in after the first cycle kept me going like crazy.
31/01/2023
It's early morning, so nothing to post in terms of calorie intake and exercise. I must admit I was thinking about quitting - rather loosely, not really planning anything, maybe just daydreaming. But I weight in today.
Weight: 54.1 kg (119 lbs) - bmi 19,8
How do I stop something that is working so well? I keep telling myself: let's go through one cycle. Only one. Four days. What is four days? It's not even a full week, you can do this.
I can't quit something that makes me lose seemingly without a problem even on my period, while before I was stuck on the same weight for so long.
Another cycle it is, then.
Edit:
Calories eaten: 200
Exercise: 7.2 k steps
Second day of period, no pain at all today, no bloating, no period shits, mood rather stable, energy rather low, but that's exam season for you. Also, tampons are fucking expensive.
I started eating really late in the day, like after 8 pm, so I'm feeling pretty good two hours later. Ready for bed. Nothing out of the ordinary to report today!
01/02/2023
Calories eaten: 397
Exercise: 6 k steps
So today we had a meeting with our new tutor and I don't like him. He was supposed to be mentoring us and after two hours of this torture that listening to him was I know I want nothing to do with him.
But everyone else seemed to like him. I mean, of course, he bought sweets and talked shit and his cheap and offensive jokes targeted most perfectly.
It was just cringy. He was bragging that he had a mind of a 13 yo, and after the meeting he asked us all to be discreet. That's super suspicious. I hate other people shifting the responsibility for their own words like that. I didn't say anything that could be used against me, so he can fuck right off with his tons of chocolate and cookies, trying to buy us cheap.
I was hoping that it would get better after uni. That doctors would be more mature than students. I guess I'm in for a giant disappointment. This shit show seems to be never-ending.
02/02/2023
Calories eaten: 597
Exercise: 3.9 k steps lmao
When it comes to the diet, I'm not doing super well right now. I can't really predict which days are going to be fine and when am I going to struggle.
I start eating way earlier in the day since my period started and it leaves me unsatisfied and lowkey hungry at the end of the day. I really hope I could go back to how it used to be, because I doubt I can stick to this diet otherwise.
And when it comes to sticking, I have decided to go for one more week, two more cycles. Saturday 11th will be an 800 day and from Sunday 12th to Sunday 19th I'll do my best to high restrict, but no promises and no beating myself up over it. I have an appointment with my piercer on the 13th and don't wanna pass out lmao, and on 14th I'm going to see my boy and I don't want to make my time with him all about food. It's been three and a half months since we saw each other. My ED can go fuck itself that week, he's way more important than my silly shenanigans here.
Either way, I'm hoping to drop to around 52 kg by then. Honestly after last plateau I'm kinda scared making wishes like that and the fact that I am in fact losing still seems unreal to me. I fear it may stop at any minute now. Two successful weigh ins don't mean anything, right? I need to keep dropping lower to prove that it's gonna stay this way - although rationally I KNOW I can't gain nor maintain on on average 500/day.
03/02/2023
Calories eaten: 797
Exercise: 3.9 k steps
There's something magical about the 800 day. I feel so satisfied, the mental hunger that's been tormenting me for the past three days is gone, I'm calm and content. No wonder it's so easy to go straight into another cycle after a day like this one, while actually being in a cycle, especially in the early days, can be so difficult.
Weigh in tomorrow. I'm hopeful yet scared. I tend to go for sweets on 800 days, so I feel like it's impossible for me to lose because I'm eating junk, buuuut... yeah I am not, it's just my brain lying to me.
04/02/2023
Calories eaten: 199
Exercise: 2.8 k steps (left the house just to buy groceries lmao)
Weight: 53.6 kg (118 lbs) - bmi: 19.7
Shite, I almost forgot to update lmao
So, I'm losing at a predictable pace, I'm totally fine with that; my super smart scale is saying that I'm losing mostly fat - went from 25.2% to 22.8% during those three cycles, while muscle mass percentage steadily went up - which is exactly what I was hoping for, since I'm extremely skinny fat as you now can tell. I also lost the first cm from my stomach which is the most stubborn and troublesome area for me. I feel like posting the change to my measurements in the past two weeks, so here it goes:
Chest: -3 cm
Arm: -2 cm
Waist: -5.5 cm
Stomach: -1 cm
Hips: -3.5 cm
Thigh: -4.5 cm
Calf: -1.5 cm
I'm really happy about my waist and thighs, but seriously, stomach could follow. It's dumb to be in bmi 19.7 and still store so much visceral fat. I want it gone and I'm not stopping until it is.
This weekend was surprisingly easy. I was scared of restricting so low during the times I don't have much going on, but it was entirely unproblematic.
In the morning I got an urge to weigh myself. I know I shouldn't, but I was curious if there would be any difference between weighing myself after a day of high res and a day of low res. And, holy fuck. 52.9 kg (116.5 lbs). No idea what happened, maybe I was just dehydrated or something, but I really really shouldn't have done that. Now my hopes for Wednesday's weigh in are gonna be sky high.
I haven't logged this weight into my tracking app, I'm trying to pretend it never happened, but I know it'll live in my head. I'll just try my best to not be disappointed.
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